Shattered Remains
by XSpike4evaX
Summary: Willow's attempt to re-soul Spike has disastrous results turning her life and Spike's upside down. As she grows closer to Spike and further away from Oz and her friends the Scoobies come to realise that not all dire situations mean the end of the world; but sometimes life as they know it, and all that's left for them is the shattered remains of what they once had.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

How could a night go so wrong so quickly? How could everything turn upside down within in a matter of minutes? Considering she lived on the hellmouth Willow figured that she shouldn't really be surprised; she already had first- hand experience of how bad things could get and how quickly they could get even worse.

She sniffed, and twined her fingers together in her lap. All she had wanted to do was the right thing, cast a de-lusting spell on herself and Xander so that they could squash these new feelings between them, new for Xander anyway, she had lusted after him for a good few years now. But he was with Cordy and she was with Oz and the last thing either she and Xander wanted to do was hurt Cordy and Oz, they were all friends after all.

Hence the de-lusting spell.

Experience should have taught them both to keep their guard up, Sunnydale High School was not the safest of places to be at night, it wasn't the safest of places to be during the day either. But really, how could she or Xander have foreseen the arrival of Spike in the science lab!

The object of her fear and panic was across the room from her right now, ranting and raving and waving his arm about. From what he had told her so far Willow understood that Drusilla, the absolute love of his life, had dumped him.

To say she was surprised was an understatement. Willow hadn't really given the romantic relationships of vampires much thought but from what she had seen of Spike over the last year, Willow honestly had never expected to see him looking so broken and defeated.

"You're a witch, right? So you'll do a spell for me. You can do that, can't you?" Spike demanded glaring at her.

"Um…" Willow cleared her throat. "I can try…."

"Try?"

Spike looked livid and Willow was now aware that she had said the wrong thing. Spike didn't want to hear how she was just learning, how her magic hadn't developed all that much yet. No, he wanted to hear her say how she could perform any spell he liked.

"You'll do more than that, witch. You'll do a love spell for me, make it so that Dru can't unlive without me. You'll make her sorry, you'll make her beg and crawl!"

She jumped when he hit the end of the bottle he was holding against the wall. It smashed loudly, shards of coloured glass falling to the floor, splintering apart even more when his large black boots stood on them, crunching the glass into the dirt and dust.

Spike stalked over to her his arm going around her neck and his hand fisting tightly in the hair at the back of her head. He yanked her to her feet dragging her close to him, forcing her head back as he raised the jagged end of the broken bottle to her face.

The sharp edges of the glass were cold when they brushed her cheek, dark droplets hung on the serrated glass and the smell of whisky was foul and cloying in her nose.

Willow cried out, her blood roaring in her ears and her mind going completely blank with blind panic as she faced what she thought was the end of her life.

"You'll do the spell or I'll shove this through your face!"

"I'll do the spell," Willow gasped out. "I'll do any spell you want."

He released her then, turning away from her to pace again and throwing her back towards the bed she had been sitting on, the bed where Xander lay unconscious and unresponsive. She wanted to check on him but she daren't, Willow daren't turn her back on Spike for a moment and the last thing she wanted to do was draw attention to Xander's weak and vulnerable state; Spike might just decide that Xander was no use to him like this and snap his neck or drain him.

Spike threw the remains of the bottle at the wall with a loud yell startling her. He turned to face her, blue eyes blazing with anger. "A bloody chaos demon!"

Willow blinked, the way he was looking at her told her that he was waiting for a response. When a drunken angry vampire was yelling at you and pacing around a damp, dark basement like a prowling animal Willow figured that listening to him would be the smartest thing to do. Letting her guard down once tonight had gotten her into this basement in the first place.

"Do you know what they look like?" He was still moving around, unable to stay still for a moment with all the pent up rage and energy boiling in his veins.

Willow swallowed nervously and shook her head her hair falling from behind her ear to obscure her face. She wanted to sink down into a little ball and hide from him, anything to make him stop shouting and go away.

"Ugly things, all slime and antlers." Spike sat down beside her on the bed. It had at one point probably been a nice bed but with the fire everything was blackened.

Should she tell him she was sorry? Express some sympathy? Willow wasn't sure what he expected her to say and do. Since knocking Xander out in the science lab and bringing them both back to the warehouse he had once stayed in with Drusilla and Angelus, all Spike had done was shout and swear about Drusilla cheating on him and leaving him. It was only now that he had given an explanation for the kidnapping. He showed no sign of leaving any time soon either.

The last thing she wanted to do was a spell for Spike. What if it went wrong? He'd be sure to come back to Sunnydale to rip her throat out, after torturing her half to death first of course.

Willow was well aware of Spike's reputation, she knew of his past evil misdeeds, of the bloody trail of death, torture and destruction that had followed him across Europe for a century and he terrified her to her very soul.

Anything could happen to her in his company.

"I gave her everythin'," Spike moaned pitifully. "Beautiful jewellery, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them."

A wave of nausea washed over Willow at this last gift although she was pretty sure that it wasn't the worst present Spike would offer to a vampire like Drusilla.

"I did everythin' for her and then suddenly I'm not demon enough for her. It was that truce with the slayer that did it," he told her mournfully. "She said I was weak she did. Said that…. That we could still be friends. How can she be so cruel? Didn't even care enough to rip out my heart or cut off my head."

Willow stiffened when he leant his head on her shoulder. It was weird not feeling his breath against her skin. She inhaled slowly, willing herself to stay calm. Buffy and Angel would be out looking for them, Spike couldn't take on both Angel and Buffy in his drunken state. Buffy would find her and Xander, Buffy would rescue them she just had to keep him talking or better yet, get him out of the basement, it would give her a chance to examine her surroundings and maybe find a way out.

"I'm so unhappy," he wailed.

Spike was a soulless demon, he had no scruples, no morals, he was the embodiment of a living nightmare; and yet Willow couldn't help but feel a spark of compassion for him.

Reaching out a shaking hand she patted his jean clad leg awkwardly. She hoped the gesture would convey sympathy and understanding. It wasn't as if she didn't understand because she did, only too well. Willow knew first- hand what it felt like to love someone who didn't love you back. She and unrequited love were old friends.

Willow stilled when she felt his hand on the side of her head, his fingers sliding slowly through her red hair before brushing it back from her face. Spike settled his head on her shoulder, his face turning into her neck.

Willow froze, hardly daring to breathe certain he was going to bite her, sink his fangs into her neck and drain the life from her.

"-Mmm,, that smell … .," Spike murmured into her neck inhaling deeply. "I haven't had a woman in weeks."

A sudden bolt of adrenaline shot through her and Willow was on her feet spinning to face him her eyes wide and terrified, her heart hammering so hard against her rib cage she thought it might just escape. "I'll do the spell for you, Spike but there'll be no bottle in face and no having of any kind with me!"

His head tilted slightly his eyes almost challenging. "Won't there now?"

"N…no!" Willow said firmly. "And I'm going to need stuff for the spell. A book for a start and… and ingredients…. Ingredients… and…"

Spike was on his feet now moving towards her slowly; stalking her, Willow realised as she stammered and backed away from him.

What to do? What to do? She had to do something! She could float a pretty mean pencil but there wasn't a pencil in sight. She couldn't immediately find a weapon of any kind either, and even if she did find one she was hardly going to be able to fight Spike. He was faster and stronger than she was and had decades of fighting experience. He had killed two slayers in his time! If they couldn't defeat him what chance did she, a little high school apprentice witch stand?

Oh if only she knew some spells, something really useful that would render him immobile and give her the chance to take Xander and escape.

But all she was capable of doing was backing away from him and skirting around him as best she could.

Spike watched her with barely concealed amused interest. He could almost see her mind working as she tried to figure out just how she could attempt to fight him. Her fear filled the small space around him and Spike basked in it. She smelt so good, fear and panic and strawberries and he wanted a taste.

His fingers flexed at his side, she was a tasty little morsel this one. He wanted to get his hands on her, wanted to feel her squirming against him as he held her in his arms. He wanted to feel that pale milky skin beneath his lips, wanted to feel it split apart under the pressure of his fangs and taste her blood.

His tongue came out to swipe along his bottom lip in anticipation. She would be delicious Spike was sure of it. Who knew, maybe when he got going she'd like it and then there would be having, all kinds of wonderful having.

She moved to the right, her hand gripping the side of a table and sliding behind it, putting it between him and her; like it was going to do any good. But Spike was willing to indulge her, anticipation was half the fun after all.

"You wanna dance, love, we'll dance."

A look of confusion crossed her face and Spike chuckled quietly in response. "You'll like my kinda dancin' pet, get you all hot and bothered it will."

Willow wasn't entirely sure what he was talking about and didn't have the inclination to work it out right now either. She had to keep her wits about her and find something to say to stop him prowling after her the way he was. Her calm was shot to pieces, the fine hairs on her arms and the back of her neck standing up to attention, and her nerves were stretched tighter than a tambourine.

It was catching sight of Xander out of the corner of her mind that had a calming effect on Willow's racing mind. He was her best friend and he needed her help. Xander had experienced a hard blow to the head, he was bleeding and he had to go to hospital. She had to be calm, focused, in control for Xander's sake.

Then it occurred to her, she did know a spell and a very useful one at that.

XxX

"Are you sure?" Cordelia Chase peered out of the passenger seat window of Oz's van. She wrinkled her nose at the sight that met her eyes, broken down and boarded up buildings, burnt out cars and over flowing trash cans. "This is the bad side of town."

"I know where we are," Oz replied patiently. "And I'm telling you, I can smell Willow."

Cordelia made another face. "That's so creepy."

"I completely agree," Oz said. He knew how Cordelia Chase operated, she said the first thing that came into her head and hardly ever checked before it came out of her mouth. Cordelia's first response was generally her honest response and Oz actually liked that about her, she was quite refreshing in an annoying kind of way.

"Do you smell Xander to?"

"Yeah, he's here," Oz said pulling the van to a stop beside a partially burnt warehouse.

"What would they be doing here?" Cordelia looked up at the building warily.

"I don't know." Oz switched off the engine and climbed out of the car. "But I think it's safe to say that they didn't come here of their own free will."

Cordelia made another face. "Who would?" She got out of the van too and rounded the bonnet to stand beside Oz. He was quite small in stature and with her heels on Cordelia topped him by a good head. Absently smoothing out her hair Cordelia took a step forward. "We should start looking for a way in."

"Lets do it."

That was another thing Oz liked about Cordelia, she had guts. Even when she was afraid she still went ahead and did things anyway. She was much more than a pretty face it was just that most people didn't get to see the other side to her; the strong and brave side.

Oz led the way around the building searching for a door or a window. Rounding the corner he found a large metal door but it was chained and bolted from the outside. Just why that was Oz couldn't say, he couldn't see what would be in this building that required such protection. He bit the inside of his mouth a moment and hoped it wasn't something illegal like stolen goods or drugs. He didn't really fancy facing off with a gang of criminals, Willow for all he knew was on borrowed time which meant he didn't have any to waste.

"Over here, Oz." Cordelia waved him over to the furthest corner of the building. "There's a fire escape maybe we can get in that way."

The door at the top was open and Oz stepped through slowly. It was dim but not dark in the little corridor so Oz could see his way pretty well. Cordelia followed close behind him as he inched further into the building, Willow's scent grew stronger as did Xander's, but there was another, one he couldn't identify but instantly disliked and distrusted. Oz was still getting to grips with the werewolf aspect of his life, there were new things to discover about himself all the time, some good, some bad, and one of the new things he was discovering was a sixth sense about people. It was definitely the wolf in him, wolves and dogs were part of the same family and everyone said that dogs could sense things about people and Oz had that in him too. There was something about this particular scent that made his hackles rise and the thought of Willow with the person it belonged to turned him both cold with dread and hot with anger.

"Can you smell them?" Cordelia hissed.

Oz merely nodded and led the way down the hallway, there was a door at the far end but nothing else in sight. He was halfway towards the door when he heard it, Willow's voice raised in panic and fright speaking Latin words that tripped over each other she was in such a rush to get them out.

Something was wrong, something was very, very wrong Oz could feel it in his bones and he broke out into a run hurtling the rest of the way to the door and almost falling through it.

XxX

Spike was surprised when the little witch started speaking in Latin, he could only surmise that she was casting a spell and assumed it to be the love spell. He hadn't realised that she was so accomplished at magic that she could do that without any aid whatsoever. He toyed with the idea of taking her with him when he left Sunnydale having his very own witch by his side would do wonders for his already well-established reputation. He really would be a formidable force with his very own witch.

His very own witch. The biggest of all the big bad's with his very own witch. Spike really liked that idea.

The door above him suddenly crashed into the wall and Spike looked up in surprise. Two humans stood at the top of the stairs, bloody hell but he was off his game, he must have drunk too much not to even hear them coming in.

"You try to interfere and I'll kill the boy!" Spike warned moving closer to the unconscious Xander.

Cordelia frowned down at Willow. "Does that spell sound familiar to you?"

"Sort of," Oz admitted beginning to descend the stairs, just what he planned on doing he wasn't too sure but he couldn't leave Willow and Xander down there with Spike of all the demons in Sunnydale. Oz rather hoped that Spike might consider himself outnumbered and flee the scene, but he didn't really consider it a viable option.

Oz was halfway down the rickety stair case when Willow's voice rose as she completed the spell. A white light, so bright that Oz had to shield his eyes, shone from her until she looked as though she were glowing.

Agony, she was in absolute agony! Willow screamed and doubled over, sinking to her knees. Pain radiated from the centre of her body lancing through her to the roots of her hair and the tips of her toes. Tears ran down her cheeks and she wrapped her arms around herself as the pain intensified and she felt as though she were being ripped apart.

Spike felt it enter his body; magic. It hurt more than fire and holy water put together burning a trail through his entire body and forcing him to his knees. He was panting, harsh breaths that he didn't need and his whole body was shaking with the intensity of a white hot pain like none he had felt before.

Somewhere off to the side she heard Spike yelling, cursing loudly and violently. From where she lay on her side curled into the foetal position Willow could see him on his hands and knees his face all ridges and fangs and yellow eyes as he howled in pain his body glowing with a white light.

She didn't know what or how, but Willow did know that the spell had somehow gone very, terribly, horribly wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I forgot to mention in the first chapter- ****the basic plot was devised by the lovely ****pickamix**** who needed someone to write it for her and I took up the challenge. She is also my beta for this story, any mistakes you see will be mine and mine alone.**

Chapter 2

Willow groaned, her eyelashes fluttering like butterfly wings. The first thing she saw was Xander's face, his hair a mess, dried blood along his temple and his eyes dark with worry. The second thing she registered was Buffy's face, blonde hair falling into clouded green eyes as she stared down anxiously at her best friend.

"Wills, you're awake!" Xander exclaimed. "She's awake!" he looked around him beaming.

"Oh God, Wills!" Buffy dragged her into a sitting position and hugged her tightly.

Still beaming Xander threw his arms about the two girls and joined in the hug. His best friend was alive, nothing could possibly be better than that.

"Um… guys… breathing."

"Sorry," Buffy relaxed her grip and took Willow's hand instead squeezing her fingers gently. "You scared me, what with the unconsciousness and stuff. I like my Willow wide eyed and bushy tailed."

"Well I'm wide eyed," Willow said and let out a heavy sigh as she rubbed at her chest, the pain was gone but she remembered it vividly. "Not so sure about the bushy tailed."

Oz got up, he had been sitting in a chair at the head of the table they had set Willow on. "Are you feeling alright?"

She turned to face him and smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Yeah, I'm alright. A little tired but okie dokie." She held out her arms to him and Oz pulled her close, his hold loose, but safe and warm and comforting. Willow liked being held by Oz. "Oh, what happened to Spike?"

"Well, it's nice to know that someone's thinkin' 'bout me."

Willow followed the voice and found Spike locked up in the book cage, Oz's cage where he stayed when in wolf form to ensure he didn't hurt anyone. When Oz was in the cage even when he was all wolf-Oz, the cage looked safe, it looked just like what it was:a cage. But with Spike leaning against the door his one arm stretched up over his head, long fingers lacing through the links and his duster falling open exposing his body pressed taunt against the door; it looked very, very unsafe, in fact it looked positively indecent.

"Shut it, Spike," Angel glared at him from where he stood in the doorway to Giles office.

"Oh, the lap dog speaks," Spike said mockingly.

"I'll only warn you once, Spike."

"Must be the soul, there was a time you wouldn't warn at all," Spike smirked as Angel flinched, his eyes darting to the Slayer. 

Deciding the best thing for now was to ignore Spike, Giles came forward the arm of his glasses between his teeth. "Are you sure that you're alright, Willow? From what Oz and Cordelia tell us you were casting a spell that seemed to cause you quite a lot of pain."

Willow rubbed at her chest again and nodded as Oz helped her down off the table. "Yes, there was a lot of pain."

"What kind of pain was it?"

"Probably the kind that hurts. That's the kind of pain I had when the evil undead hit me over the head," Xander said shooting an irate look at the caged Spike. Spike simply grinned back at him.

"Xander please," Giles popped his glasses back on. "Willow, can you tell me what spell you were trying to cast, it might help with explaining why you and Spike were rendered unconscious as an after effect."

Willow nodded. "I was um, well, it was Spike. I was locked in a basement with Spike. I was scared and I didn't know what to do. I kept thinking that Buffy would come…"

"And I did," Buffy interjected quickly. "I came to the rescue, only Oz and Cordelia sort of got there before me."

Willow smiled. "I knew you'd come. You always save the day."

Spike let out a breath and rolled his eyes.

"Oh sure, Buffy always saves the day. How about a little gratitude to the people who actually saved you," Cordelia huffed from her chair across from Willow.

"Cordelia please," Giles said.

"I was getting to that part," Willow promised. "I am grateful that you came looking for us. Really."

Oz smiled softly and patted her arm. "We know."

"Well," Spike sighed dramatically from the cage. "Isn't this a slap and a tickle? You wanna get to the part where you explain just what you did to me, Red?"

Giles turned to look at him. "Do you feel any different?"

Spiked eyed him warily before replying. "Don't feel exactly the same," he admitted grudgingly.

He couldn't say that he felt totally different, nor that the feeling was all that prominent, but there was definitely something different in him. At the moment he felt just fine, he felt like Spike. But when that pain had been slicing through his body and his insides had been scorching like nobody's business Spike had felt something new, something fiercely hot in the centre of his body that had eventually sizzled down to a slow simmer and then disappeared. It had been a strange alien sensation, but at the same time sort of familiar.

Spike had a bad feeling; pain and burning could never be a good thing.

"Maybe what's different is that you're locked in a book cage," Xander suggested hopping up onto the table and shoving a pile of books to the side.

"Back to Willow," Giles said quickly in the hope of halting a pointless argument before it started. He knew only too well how quickly discussions could veer off onto a tangent.

"Um, where was I?" Willow looked to Oz for confirmation.

"You were busy praying for super Buffy," Cordelia replied crossly.

"Oh yeah," Willow exchanged an eye roll with Buffy. "Well, like I said, I was thinking that Buffy would come to save us, well, Buffy and Angel and then I thought, oh, hey, Angel!"

"As so many of us do," Spike drawled from the cage.

Buffy's lips pursed. "Why Angel?"

"I was thinking that I would never be able to fight Spike and I wished that I knew a good spell to use to stop him and get out of there and then I thought, Angel! I do know a spell that would help me and stop Spike. So I did the Restoration spell."

"The what?!" Spike yelled, grasping the bars and shaking the door his eyes hot and violent. "You bloody bitch! You had no right to try and do that to me!"

"And you had no right to knock Xander out and kidnap them either," Cordelia retorted. "So you can get down off your high horse."

"I put up a fight."

Cordelia looked up at Xander. "What?"

"I put up a fight," Xander insisted. "He didn't just knock me out, I put up a fight."

"Such a stellar performance it was too," Spike said with a flex of his fingers. "But can we get back to the important item on the itinerary; she tried to give me a soddin' soul!"

"But I didn't," Willow pointed out. "I don't know what I did, but I didn't do what I tried to do."

"So you cast the wrong spell?" Buffy looked from Willow to Giles. "Is that it?"

"It appears so," Giles said leaning on the table and taking off his glasses again. "But what spell was cast, that's the question."

"Granted we only came in at the end but some of the words seemed familiar to me," Oz said. "And Cordelia too."

Cordelia nodded. "They really did. I said that to you, didn't I?"

"Yes you did," Oz agreed. "I think it was from the Restoration spell. Especially considering the effects of the spell."

"You mean the light and the glowing," Cordelia said.

"Exactly." Oz couldn't help scrutinising Willow, but he saw nothing different in her.

"Light and glowing?" Willow turned worried eyes towards Giles. She was afraid to look at Spike, she really didn't want to see what she was sure would be a murderous expression on his face.

"Do you remember what you said, Willow? Do you remember the words?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Hold on." Giles raised a hand in the air and scurried into his office in search of a pencil and paper. The sound of rustling papers and drawers opening came to them and then Giles reappeared, pad and pencil in hand. He sat down at the table pencil poised. "Go ahead, Willow."

Willow spoke slowly, haltingly as she recalled the Latin phrases she had spoken earlier that evening. She let her mind drift back to that moment of terror and desperation when all she wanted to do was stop Spike shadowing her every movement and take that hungry look out of his eyes.

She shot a sneaky glance at him out of the corner of her eye, he had changed position, he was still leaning against the cage door but now he was bent slightly at the waist, his forehead resting against the grating, and his arms also pressed against the confines of the cage above his head. He reminded her of a prisoner. She supposed that was exactly what he was at the moment and she wondered what Buffy intended to do with him.

Would they kill Spike? Willow found she didn't much like that idea.

She watched him as he pushed away and thendug about in the pocket of his long black leather duster and produced a crumpled packet of cigarettes and a zippo lighter. Popping a cigarette between his lips his mouth twisting slightly to keep it steady he lit up and inhaled a lung full of smoke before returning to lean on the grating.

Spike listened intently but he could make no sense of the spell. The words themselves he was able to translate albeit slowly and even then he wasn't entirely sure he had it right. He had learnt Latin as a boy but that was over a hundred years ago and Spike had found no need for Latin as the years went on.

Grudgingly he had to admire the fact that the witch was able to perform such a powerful spell as a soul restoration. The gypsies who had originally cursed Angelus were a powerful clan, gypsies could be that way. But she was only a girl and from what he could see had no-one to help guide her in the ways of magic. What she did she did on her own back and Spike had always admired people who got somewhere under their own steam.

"Where's the original spell?" Giles gave a low groan. "It's on that idiot box isn't it?"

Willow's lips twitched into a smile. "I'll pull it up for you."

"Would the spell even work without the Orb of Thesul-thingy?" Xander wondered. "Wasn't the orb a big part of the spell? It was where the soul was kept before it went back into Angel, wasn't it?"

"That's a very valid point," Giles agreed.

"Here's the spell, Giles." Willow sat back to let him get a closer look at the screen.

Giles spent a long time comparing the spell on the screen to the words on the paper. He muttered to himself and made little scribbles at the bottom of his page. Now and again he got up and rushed in and out of his office checking books and comparing what he found.

"Bloody hell, Watcher," Spike took a drag of his cigarette. "You're in and out of that office like a blue bottle with the runs."

Giles stopped long enough to give Spike an infuriated look, but he didn't favour him with a response.

"Giles, is there anything we can do?" Buffy pressed. "Any books we can read?"

"No, no," Giles murmured his head bowed over a book.

Angel came closer to the table; he usually kept on the fringes of things when he came to the library unless he was specifically asked to help with any research. He always felt out of place when he was here with the whole lot of them. Somehow, seeing them all together, the love and affection between them, it made him feel more of a demon than he had in a long time, not counting the return of Angelus. They were worlds apart him and them, and he felt it when he was here watching them all together, he felt old, he felt like a demon.

He turned the writing pad slightly as he bent over Giles his lips moving silently as he read and translated the words. He wasn't as quick with Latin verse as Spike was. "This here, this part," he pointed at the end of the spell, tapping the paper with his index finger. "It doesn't seem to fit in with the purpose of the spell."

"That's what I thought too," Giles held a book up to Angel. "That's the translation."

Willow leant in closer and Spike stood up to attention, they could tell,as could the others, that Giles had found the answer and he didn't look pleased about it.

"Giles?" Buffy prompted.

"That can't be right," Angel muttered glancing from the book to the writing pad. "Willow, are you sure this is what you said?"

"Yes," she nodded her stomach twisting with anxiety.

The book fell from Angel's hand landing on the table with a dull _thunk. _He had a look of utter dismay on his face. Giles looked simply horrified.

"Angel?" Buffy was getting frustrated. "Giles?"

Exasperated Xander ran a hand through his hair. "Will someone please explain?"

"What's goin' on over there, soul boy?" Spike demanded, rattling the door of the cage to get Angel's attention.

"Giles?" Willow whispered. "What have I done?"

"Damn good question. What the bloody hell has she done? Oi! Am I invisible over 'ere?" Enraged Spike kicked at the door to his prison.

"Giles?!" Buffy yanked on Giles arm. "What is it?"

"It appears," Giles said slowly. "That the spell you cast, Willow wasn't quite the Soul Restoration spell you used for Angel. If fact, it isn't a restoration spell at all, the words in this section here," he pointed wearily at the writing pad on the table. "They're something completely different. They have a similar feel to them which may be how you came to mix things up, especially under the circumstances."

He sighed, taking off his glasses he bowed his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What you have done, is spilt your own soul into two and given half of it to Spike."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Say what now?" Spike could hardly believe what he was hearing. How was it even possible to split a soul in two? The Watcher had to be wrong; he didn't have half a soul inside him, especially one that didn't belong to him.

"Split her soul?" Buffy said slowly.

"He has…?" Xander pointed unnecessarily at Spike.

Spike frowned when all heads turned in his direction and they all just stood there staring at him wide eyed and slack jawed; like it was his fault that the witch was incompetent.

"Aren't you glad you listened now and didn't stake first and get the answers later?" Cordelia said with a pointed look at Buffy.

Buffy, who was perched on the edge of the table wiggled. "I'm the Slayer," she said defensively. "It's my job to slay vampires. Especially vampires who hurt my friends," she added with an affectionate look at Willow.

"And yet somehow you didn't think of that when Angelus was roaming around," Cordelia retorted.

Angel's eyes dropped to the ground. He couldn't blame Cordelia for her words, they had all suffered when Angelus had returned. He didn't expect any of them to forget what they had seen and endured, he wouldn't forget himself, and he knew he didn't really deserve a second chance and forgiveness, but they gave it anyway; because they loved Buffy.

Buffy flinched, she wanted to say something, to jump to Angel's defence but she remained silent knowing in her heart that to say anything would just make things worse. Her friends would side with Cordelia if she got into an argument with them about Angelus and she couldn't blame them. She even sided with Cordelia. There was no argument for Angelus. But Angel was not his soulless counterpart, he suffered enough having to deal with the memories of what he had done without the rest of them making it even more difficult for him.

She would remain silent for now and focus on Willow, but she made a mental note to bring this conversation up later, when Angel wasn't around.

"We don't need to drag all that up, Cordelia," Giles said, the last thing he wanted to do was take a trip down that particular memory lane. "But yes, I will grant you that staking Spike on sight might have had less than a desirable outcome."

"Less than desirable?" Spike griped from the cage. "That's a fine way of puttin' it."

"Will you shut up!" Angel snapped. He could vent on Spike, that would be allowed and nobody would particularly care.

"Hey, I've got a bloody soul inside me thanks to that daft bint and it ain't even mine. Get rid of it!" Spike demanded with a glare at Willow.

"I didn't mean…"

"You gonna add lying to the ever growin' list of charges against you, pet?" Spike asked snidely. "'Cause you did mean it, didn't you?"

"I'm sorry."

Spike remained quiet and still, he observed the young witch through the grating of his prison and strangely, he believed her.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Oh! Wills, don't cry," Buffy scrambled over the table and wrapped her arms about her best friend. "It's not your fault, not really. We'll find a way to fix it. We will."

"Yeah, come on, Wills. No need to worry about it, the G-Man will sort it all out. You know what he's like with the books and the research. Nobody can beat this guy at finding the answers," Xander leant forward and grasped her hand.

"It's all Spike's fault anyway," Cordelia said tartly. "If he hadn't have kidnapped you then you would never have done the spell. You can't blame yourself."

Spike glared at her. It didn't help matters that she was right. If he hadn't have come back to Sunnydale then he would never have kidnapped the witch that did this to him.

"Now, now," Giles soothed bringing a box of tissues from behind the counter and handing them to Willow. "I'm sure the situation isn't as bad as we first thought."

Willow looked up at him hopefully. "Really?"

"Well, um, it might take a little bit of time to find the solution but we always do, don't we?" Giles forced a smile to his face relieved to see Willow's lips tremble into a ghost of a smile in return.

"I know what will make it better," Buffy released Willow and drew a stake from her pocket. She twirled it between her fingers her eyes latched onto Spike. "How about I just stake him and then the soul will depart his body and go home."

"I like it," Xander said.

"Buffy…" Angel placed a hand on her arm to keep her where she was.

"If you had let me stake him in the basement we wouldn't be having this conversation," Buffy said crossly. "But you and Oz wouldn't let me do anything expect carry him back here. Okay, it made sense at the time not to stake him I admit that, we didn't know what had happened to him or to Willow but now we know. Doesn't it just make sense that if I kill him the soul will leave him and go back to Willow where it belongs?"

"No," Giles said, pushing his glasses up his nose. "It doesn't, Buffy."

Spike tried not to show how relieved he was; not that he didn't think he could take the Slayer or Angel, but he didn't much feel like trying when he was stuck in a poxy cage with no wiggle room.

"It does to me," Xander said as if that closed the argument.

Cordelia snorted. "Isn't that a surprise. On no, wait, it isn't. Instead of agreeing with Buffy all the time why don't you try having an original thought for a change."

Xander cut his eyes at her. "I'm having one now," he said through grit teeth.

Cordelia simply rolled her eyes unconcerned.

"Giles is right," Angel said ever the voice of reason, he wanted to keep Buffy as calm as possible. When it came to her friends being in danger or any type of bad situation Buffy had a tendency to act now and eliminate the threat and worry about the ramifications later. That was why Angel was glad she had Giles. Giles had a clear head and Buffy needed someone like that to guide her. "I don't think that killing Spike is the way to go, Buffy. There's no guarantee that his half of the soul will automatically go back to Willow, and if it doesn't, then we don't know where it'll go or how to get it back."

Willow glanced up at the ceiling. "I don't like the idea of my soul just sort of floating about up there, Buff."

Buffy made a face. "Neither do I." She sighed and returned the stake to her pocket. "Fine, I won't dust him ... yet," she added giving Spike a warning look.

"You're all heart, aren't you, Slayer?"

Buffy ignored him and returned her attention to Willow. "We'll figure it out," she promised.

Oz had been silent so far. He wasn't one to talk around in circles, if he had something to say then he said it. But he also knew that Willow understood that even if he didn't speak it didn't mean that he didn't feel. He touched a hand lightly to the small of her back and gave her a warm, reassuring smile.

It seemed to do the trick where all the other promises had not. Willow smiled back and dabbed at her eyes, somehow Oz's silence was much more encouraging, it told her that he just knew they would sort everything out without having to say it. Oz's silence could be very heartening in a bad situation.

"Indeed we will," Giles said firmly. "But it's getting late and you all have school tomorrow. I think its best that we all get a good night's sleep and start our research with fresh eyes in the morning."

"Good idea." Cordelia rose and gathered her things together. "All this rescuing your friends stuff is exhausting."

"Do you need a ride home?" Oz offered.

"No thanks, I've got my car. Xander, are you coming with me?"

"Yeah," Xander took up his back pack from beneath the table.

"Um, hello!" Spike shook the door of the cage. "Aren't you forgettin' somethin'? You can't leave me in this cage all day, can you? How do you expect to explain that away to your little students? Besides," he pointed across the room at the windows. "Sunlight."

Buffy let out a heavy sigh. "He does have a point. What are we going to do with him?"

"Don't worry about him," Angel said crossing to the cage, taking great delight in the wary expression on Spike's face as he unlocked the door. "He's coming home with me where I can keep an eye on him."

Angel opened the door and Spike stepped carefully out of the cage. As soon as Spike was free of the confines of his prison his right fist shot out and landed on Angel's jaw. Angel's head was knocked back, he stumbled a few paces and Spike had a clear path to the door.

"Not bloody likely." Spike darted past Angel and out of the library the doors swinging back and forth in his wake.

Angel bolted after him. Spike hadn't got a very good head start, he was only a few steps ahead of him. Angel leapt. Spike rounded a corner and Angel … collided with the wall.

"Are you okay?" Buffy skidded to a halt beside Angel.

Angel grimaced. Not only had he mistimed that attack but it had been in front of Buffy too. Embarrassed he nodded and started after Spike again. "Fine."

The front doors to the school were just swinging shut when Angel and Buffy came into the last corridor and Angel cursed under his breath. They burst through the doors together out into the fresh night air and scurried down the front steps.

Buffy couldn't see Spike anywhere but Angel went forward a few steps before stopping. He pointed down the street where the houses started. "He just went over that fence into the back garden."

"Then lets go," Buffy started forward again but Angel's hand on her elbow stopped her.

He shook his head. "You won't catch him, Buffy. He's gone."

"But… we need to get him back!"

"We will," Angel promised. "He'll come to us, Buffy. Trust me."

"How can you be so sure? He just ran off. That doesn't look like someone who wants to be around us to me."

"He's got half a soul inside him, Buffy, and believe me that's the last thing Spike wants. He's going to start feeling the effects of it sooner or later and he'll come running back faster than he ran away, trust me."

Buffy smiled and nodded. "Of course I trust you, Angel."

The double doors opened again as the others rushed out, various weapons in hand. "What happened?" Xander asked hopping down the steps towards them.

"Lost him," Buffy said with a sigh. "Angel says that he'll come back though."

"Psychic now are we?" Xander asked.

"I know Spike and I know what it's like to deal with the effects of a soul. Spike'll come back. He'll want the soul out of him as quickly as possible and back into Willow where it belongs."

Willow bit her bottom lip her eyes straining into the darkness as though she could see the path that Spike had taken. "What if he doesn't come back?"

"He will," Xander said firmly. "We'll get your soul back and glue it together again. I promise."

Her eyes drifted to Angel, they latched onto his face swimming with unshed tears. "Didn't you feel the soul straight away?"

"Not straight away," Angel said "I couldn't remember what had happened at first but after a minute or two, everything came back to me."

"I thought so," she started to cry again and was immediately flanked by Buffy and Oz. "It's been more than a minute or two and Spike isn't any different." She leant into Oz's shoulder for comfort.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Buffy looked despairingly at Giles.

"He's got part of my soul inside him, _my soul,_ and he's just the same as he was before. Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I'm a bad person. Maybe deep down inside I'm evil?"

Buffy burst out laughing. "Sorry," she pulled herself together and schooled her face into a more understanding expression. "Sorry, Wills, but you, evil? I don't think so."

"Me either," Xander grinned and shook his head. "You couldn't be evil if you tried. No way, no how."

"They're right," Oz said softly. "There's nothing wrong with you."

"But, Spike…" she gestured towards the empty street.

"Oh he's plenty evil," Xander said. The fact that the despairing look hadn't departed from Willow and the impatient look Cordelia gave him told Xander that his words had not been as reassuring as he had expected them to be.

"Willow," Angel spoke softly. "Spike's behaviour has nothing to do with you as a person. You have to remember that I wasn't just cursed with any old soul, it was mine. Spike hasn't been cursed. He doesn't have a complete soul, and what he does have doesn't even belong to him. It'll take a while for him to feel anything with half a soul, if he even feels anything at all. I expect that his experience will be different to mine. Whatever happens with Spike isn't a reflection on you."

He smiled gently. "You have to remember that Spike's a demon first and foremost and that may override the existence of your soul in his body. You're strong, Willow and that makes your soul strong too. I've seen and done enough evil in my time to know a genuinely good person when I see one.If Spike does feel something with your influence inside him he won't like it, but even if it isn't anything like what I went through when I got my soul back it doesn't mean that you're a bad person, Willow."

"Angel's right," Giles said. "Spike's situation is completely different to Angel's, one has nothing to do with the other. We don't know how severe of an effect of your soul will have upon Spike, but you mustn't let it worry you, Willow. I'm sure Spike will be back as soon as he starts feeling even a minor discomfort."

Angel nodded his agreement. "I know Spike, Willow. He'll be back and we'll figure out a way to reverse what's happened."

Willow sniffed and wiped at her tears with the back of her hand. She smiled shyly at Angel and nodded. "Thank you."

"Come on," Oz took her arm and led her down the steps. "I'll take you home. You need a good night's sleep, you've had a long night."

"Hey, Buff, are you comin'?" Xander called, following Oz, Cordelia and Willow to the car park.

"You go on," Angel said. "Be with Willow."

"Thank you," Buffy said.

Angel shrugged his large shoulders.

"Well, see you tomorrow, Giles."

"Goodnight, Buffy …. Angel." He went back into the school to close down the library and lock up for the night.

"Will you be by tomorrow for research?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, I'll be there. I owe Willow for putting my soul back, I'll do all I can to help her."

"Buff!" Xander yelled. "Come on!"

"Gotta go. 'Night, Angel."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he bent over and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "It'll all be okay."

She nodded and smiled at him before bounding off across the grass to where Xander was waiting by Oz's van with the door open for her.

XxX

Willow waved goodbye as Oz's van pulled away from the curb in front of her house. She had refused all offers from both Oz and Buffy at accompanying her into the house and Buffy's offer to spend the night if she felt she wanted company, in the most polite way possible, but Willow didn't feel like company right now. She had brought herself under control and felt a little silly about her earlier tears and as much as she loved both Buffy and Oz, Willow really didn't want either of them hovering over her, watching her and waiting for her to break down again.

They would want to talk about what had happened and offer support and sympathy and reassurance, but Willow didn't want it. She didn't want to hear them telling her that everything would be fine and dandy because they didn't know that it would be.

Willow felt that she could really do without it all tonight; her head was spinning enough as it was.

She went through her nightly ritual and changed into her Snoopy pyjamas, they reminded her of Christmas time with Xander and brought a sense of peace to her troubled mind, at least for a few minutes.

Fingers running along the closed lid of her lap top, Willow considered firing it up and doing her own research, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. If there was going to be bad news she wanted to face it with Oz and her friends around her, not alone in her bedroom in the middle of the night.

A knock at her French windows made Willow jump. Letting out a disgruntled sigh figuring it was probably Buffy refusing to take no for an answer, Willow crossed the room to open the windows for her friend. "I'm fine, really," she said as her fingers closed over the curtains.

"Well I'm not," came the annoyed reply.

Willow started. A small squeak of surprise leaving her lips as her heart picked up speed. Slowly pulling the curtains back she stared at Spike who stood on the other side of the glass glaring at her.

"Open up," he demanded.

"How… how did you know where I lived?"

"Made it my business to know where you all lived when I was around before. Lesson number one in survival, know your enemy, love. Now, open up."

She touched the lock with light uncertain fingers. Opening the window wouldn't hurt, he couldn't get in unless she invited him and it did seem rather rude to conduct a conversation with him through the glass.

What else could possibly go wrong in one night? And on that note, Willow opened the windows and took a step back. "I'm not going to invite you in."

"Didn't think you would. 'M happy out here. Just a bit more sociable with the window open, don't you think?"

Her brow furrowed, a look of distrust crossing her face. "What are you doing here? You know as much as I do, I can't tell you anything else until we start researching properly tomorrow. You're welcome to help."

"Am I really?" he asked dryly. "Doesn't that make me feel all special and good."

Willow sighed and folded her arms across her chest. "I just thought that the more people we have researching the quicker we'll come up with an answer. I'm sorry," she said in a soft whisper.

Spike pursed his lips in annoyance. Tears, just what he needed from her. He was the victim here not her. He was the one who'd had a soul, albeit half a soul, forced on him. "You're messin' with things you don't understand, Red. Always a consequence for that."

"I know. I didn't mean…."

"Oh I know you didn't mean to give me half your soul, you meant to give me my own, didn't you? Brought back all shiny new from the ether just for me. Well screw you, witch. Who gave you the right to make that kind of decision?"

"You were scaring me!" Willow snapped. "I thought you were going to kill me and Xander. I was trying to protect us. Magic is all that I have. And," she added, her mouth dipping down at the corners. "I can't even do that right."

Spike remembered the scent of her fear, how it had tickled his nose and curled deliciously through his body to be savoured. Fear was absent from her right now, but Spike didn't take it to heart, he didn't take it as a slur upon his demon. He was safely behind the supernatural barrier that prevented him entering any dwelling place until specifically invited, no reason why she should fear him at this particular moment in time.

There was a lot of misery pouring from her though; despair, anguish, guilt, it wasn't as good as her fear but it was close enough. Usually he would have enjoyed every moment, but he found he felt a little bit sorry for her. She no more wanted him to have part of her soul than he did. Although, considering the alternative Spike felt he had gotten off light.

"Oh I don't know, pretty powerful magic involved with souls. You gave Angel his back, didn't you, and you managed to split yours in two without even tryin'. Can't be all that bad with the mojo, pet."

To say she was surprised to receive encouragement and some form of sympathy from Spike was an understatement. Willow wasn't sure what to do with it.

"For what it's worth, you're right. I had no right to try and put your soul back without your permission. Forcing somebody to accept something against their will is wrong. I was wrong. I'm sorry, Spike."

Spike's nod was slow. "Well, now that you've seen the error of your ways, what do you plan on doin' to fix it?"

"We're going to look for a way to get my soul out of you and back into me. And I promise that I won't give you your own soul back. How's that?"

"It'll do," Spike agreed. "For a start."

Willow blinked. "A start?"

"Seems to me that you've got some makin' up to do, love. Considerin' all the inconvenience you're gonna cause me. Not to mention the unendin' misery an' boredom I'm gonna 'ave to endure livin' with the poof."

"Who?"

"Angel."

"You're going to stay with Angel?" she asked surprised.

"Gotta stay somewhere, don't I? Besides, I like that place and I'll get first hand updates on your progress." A sudden grin split his face. "And it'll annoy Angel."

"I suppose that's the crowning glory," she said with a little smile.

"You suppose right." He patted down his pockets and produced his packet of cigarettes and a lighter. Cigarette lit, he took a deep drag and replaced the lighter and pack in his pocket. "What else you got for me?"

An angry flush coloured her cheeks. "What else? Nothing else! Considering everything you've done to us I don't owe you a thing. Besides, Cordelia was right, if you hadn't kidnapped me in the first place we wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe it's about time you accepted some responsibility for your part in all this."

Taking the cigarette between his fingers Spike raised his arms above his head, planting his hands on the barrier that kept him out, and leant as close to her as he could. "Quite the little spit fire behind the magic wall, aren't you, love?"

Willow was tempted to invite him in just to see him fall flat on his face, but she curbed the impulse. She took a deep, steadying breath. "I'll do all I can to fix this, Spike, and I give you my word not to put your soul back, _but _that's all you're getting."

His lips curled into a half smile, half smirk, blue eyes dancing with mischief. Something in her gut kicked in response and Willow's hands flew to her stomach, pressing down as if she could physically force the reaction away.

"That right?" His eyes swept over her in one long movement. "Still no having then?"

She flushed and averted her eyes from his face. Just why he felt it necessary to bring that up Willow wasn't sure, but it made her uncomfortable, she wasn't used to handsome men teasing her like that and was uncertain as to how she should or even wanted to react. It would be nice to be confident enough to flirt back the way Cordelia would or tease the way Faith would, but that wasn't in her nature. Willow had often lamented that about herself. It would be nice to be a little more self-assured.

"Spike," she sighed heavily, "it's late, I'm going to bed."

"You haven't invited me in yet," his eyebrow lifted suggestively.

Willow blushed again wishing she could stop herself doing that. She had the sneaking suspicion that Spike enjoyed that about her, enjoyed making her squirm. It made her cross both with him and with herself.

"Shouldn't you be heading to Angel's?"

"Got some time before I need to head inside."

She looked at him now quite curious as to what an evil vampire like Spike got up to during the pre-dawn hours. "What will you do?"

Spike rolled his shoulders in a shrug. "Get drunk. Go huntin'. Play some poker. Night's still young yet and full of possibilities for a demon like me whose filled with wicked intentions."

He touched the tip of his tongue to his upper lip and a shiver ran down her spine. Willow couldn't quite work out if it was the good or bad kind of shiver.

"I'll be seein' you, pet. Sweet dreams."

And then he was gone, melting away into the night.

Willow blinked staring out across her back garden searching for him, but so far as she could tell Spike had really left.

With a shrug and a little sigh she began to draw the curtains. "Goodnight, Spike," she whispered, it was only polite; he had wished her sweet dreams after all.

She climbed into bed and settled down feeling exhausted. She hoped they'd find a way to reverse the soul split thing and soon. It occurred to her that she could talk to Amy tomorrow, she was a witch as was her mother before her, she might have some ideas.

That decided Willow snuggled down under her blankets, however it took a while for sleep to come to her, for hovering at the edge of her subconscious, refusing to budge, was Spike.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Crawford Street was quiet, its occupants sleeping the deep sleep of the carefree. They had no real clue as to what went on around them in the shadows of their town and Angel felt he would like to feel like that just once.

He climbed into bed and settled back against the pillows, he needed his rest; the next few days would be gruelling both mentally and emotionally. Possibly even physically if Spike continued to play hide and seek with him.

He pushed Spike from his mind determined not to think or worry about him until the following evening when he would wake up rested and refreshed and ready for research.

Angel basked in the silence of the street drifting away, drifting, drifting….

"Honey! I'm home!"

Angel jerked upright and grit his teeth. "Spike."

Climbing out of bed he yanked open the bedroom door and stormed along the landing. His bare feet made a slapping sound on the cold marble of the stair case as he descended into the rooms below. He found Spike in the living room swaying on his feet with a whisky bottle dangling from his fingers.

"You're drunk," Angel accused, although why he bothered to say anything was beyond him. Spike's intoxicated state was evident.

Holding up his thumb and index finger about an inch apart Spike said, "Little bit."

"What are you doing here?"

Spike snorted. "You gettin' senile in your old age or what? You invited me, remember? Said I had to come home with you, you did. Remember? Gotta say, not lovin' the hospitality so far, mate. Least you could 'ave done is put on a spread."

"Put on a…." Angel grit his teeth again his fingers curling into fists at his side. "Where have you been?" Angel was aware that he sounded as though he were scolding an errant child, but Spike just brought it out in him; all the anger, the frustration the annoyance he felt on a day to day basis Spike brought it all to the surface even when those feelings had nothing to do with Spike at all.

"Been to see the witch," Spike staggered forward tilting the bottle to his lips and gulping down the last mouthful.

"Willow? You've been to Willow's?" Angel strode forward a menacing look on his face. "I swear, Spike if you've…."

"No havin'," Spike said sadly and Angel stopped short. "No havin'."

"Having?" Angel was confused and it showed.

"Not bad enough," Spike moaned softly. "Not demon enough."

Angel's forehead wrinkled. "What?"

"Not good enough. Not man enough," Spike turned pitiful eyes to Angel. "Why aren't I good enough?"

Angel was astounded. He genuinely thought that Spike was about to burst into tears and he had no idea what to do to handle a crying Spike. He'd never seen Spike shed a tear before and Angelus had given him enough reason to over the years. "Good enough for what?"

"Anybody," Spike turned away and wandered around in a circle for a moment. "Never the one."

"The one what?" Angel sank down on the arm of a nearby chair watching Spike warily.

"The one!" Spike yelled spinning around and throwing the empty bottle violently against the wall. "Never the one, always rejected I am. Not wanted. Not needed. Always alone. No-one cares."

Angel let out a heavy sigh and rubbed at his forehead. He had seen Spike drunk before, too many times to count, and he was guaranteed to go one of two ways; he either turned sappy or violent, there was never a happy medium. He hadn't known Spike to be self-pitying before and he honestly had no idea what to say to him, they were hardly friends in spite of their long history together.

"No havin'," Spike said, his mouth turning down at the corners. "'bout right that, ain't it? Never 'ave do I?"

"What's all this "having" you keep talking about?"

"Never 'ave anything. Not what I want anyway. Never the one, always second best."

Angel closed his eyes striving for patience. "It's late, Spike and your drunk and not making any sense at all. I'm tired," he stood up and headed towards the door. "I have no intention of sitting around here all night listening to you whine like a little girl, I'm going to…" he trailed off and spun round to face Spike his jaw dropping open in shock.

Spike was still standing and swaying on the spot watching him with wet eyes, although he hadn't started crying.

"This isn't you," Angel said a thoughtful look crossing his face.

"So little," Spike said holding out cupped hands towards Angel.

"I… what?" Angel edged closer to peer into Spike's palms but he didn't see anything.

"Little and soft and fluffy."

Angel shook his head despairingly and decided to just give up and let Spike talk. "What are?"

"Kittens!" Spike's voice rose impatiently.

"You'll have to forgive me for not leaping to that conclusion, Spike. Especially since you don't even have a kitten with you."

"Little balls of fluff," Spike said with a nod of his head for emphasis.

"Yeah," Angel agreed. "They are."

Spike nodded. "You gotta go there, you gotta help 'em."

"Help who?" Angel was instantly alert. "Go where, Spike?"

"Go an' help 'em. Gonna eat 'em they are."

"Spike! Make sense! If someone's in trouble you need to tell me and quickly. Who do I need to help?"

"The kittens!" Spike yelled exasperated. "Don't you listen?"

Angel groaned and held his head in his hands for a minute willing himself not to knock Spike out just for some peace and quiet. "You've been to Willy's, haven't you?"

"Yeah," Spike agreed, he looked suddenly happier. "'ad a drink I did. Met some demons and got offered a game. Was gonna play cards but then…"

Angel's lips twitched with amusement. "Then you saw the kittens?"

"Yeah," Spike deflated again. "They were playin' for kittens."

"I know, Spike."

"They're so…"

"Little and soft and fluffy," Angel guessed.

"Yeah," Spike agreed. He pointed at the door, "Go save 'em."

"I will," Angel promised. "I just need to put you to bed first so you can sleep it all off." He took Spike's arm and guided him to the sofa. "I'm not carrying you upstairs, you'll be safe enough here."

There was no direct sunlight in the living room and the sofa was as good a place as any for Spike to sleep. Angel didn't fancy breaking his neck trying to get Spike up the stairs.

Spike toppled onto the sofa and Angel swung his legs up. He debated whether or not to remove Spike's boots but decided against it, Spike had slept in them before and Angel didn't trust Spike not to kick him in the face or something.

He gave Spike a shove to move him away from the edge of the sofa and Spike squirmed pulling his coat closer about him. "No having," he mumbled his eyes closed he batted at Angel's hands. "No havin'." His lips curled into a slow smile. "We'll see."

Angel stared at Spike for moment before shaking his head and heading back upstairs. If he wasn't mistaken he had just seen the first side effect of Willow's soul.

XxX

When Spike woke hours later it was dark out, the sun hadn't long set if his body clock was anything to go by. Sitting up gingerly he gave a low groan and cradled his head in his hands.

Slowly he got to his feet and glanced around. He didn't quite remember getting here but it made sense seeming as he had nowhere else to go. Angel was nowhere in sight and Spike wondered where he was.

"Bit of hair of the dog." Spike looked around but couldn't see a decanter or any bottles so he left the living room in search of a drink. He wandered into the study to find Angel sitting in a chair with a small brown chest open at his feet and a piece of parchment in his hand.

Angel didn't look up as he entered and Spike stood in the doorway watching him in silence for a few minutes.

"You got any liquor 'round 'ere?" Spike didn't really expect an answer and was surprised when Angel made a vague gesture towards a cabinet in the corner.

Spike made a face at the cabinet, he had the sinking feeling that the only thing he'd find in there was cheap liquor, Angel had such a martyr complex that he probably thought enjoying a nice glass of whisky would damn his lovely pure soul to the deepest pits of hell. He was pleasantly surprised when he opened up the cabinet and rooted through the bottles on offer; Angel had actually sprung for the good stuff.

He didn't bother to use a glass he just opened the bottle of whisky and drank over the top. "Whatcha readin'?"

"Rescue mission."

"Huh?" Spike came closer interested in spite of himself.

"Yeah, gives me all the instructions I need on how to rescue kittens from a poker game."

Spike scowled and took another drink of whisky. He wasn't going to live that down in hurry. "What the bloody hell was that anyway? It's not as if I 'aven't played kitten poker before an' right now I don't give a damn about it one way or the other."

The amusement left Angel's face and he looked directly at Spike for the first time. "I think it's the soul."

"Did it happen to you?" Spike was genuinely interested, he'd spent some time at Willy's the previous evening contemplating just what it would mean for him having half of Willow's soul inside him. That's what had started the heavy drinking, the possibility that he would end up brooding and miserable like Angel.

"No. It was different for me. You've had it easy so far, no guilt, no pain, no misery, your not haunted by faces you had half-forgotten existed, at least they did until you ended that existence."

Spike remained silent after this admission taking occasional swigs from the bottle. Getting all upset over kittens didn't seem half as bad in comparison to that kind of emotional turmoil. His outburst had been embarrassing and Spike couldn't say that it wasn't, but what got him the most wasn't the fuss he'd made about the kittens, it was opening himself up like that in front of Angel.

It was bad enough that Angelus had known his weaknesses and exploited them mercilessly to rule and humiliate him, but having Angel know the true depths of his weaknesses was just too much. After all, what did Angel know about rejection, the women in his life always wanted him, Darla, Drusilla, the Slayer; neither Angel nor Angelus had ever been second best to anyone.

"What's all this stuff anyway?" Spike tapped the chest with the toe of his boot.

Angel sat up a little straighter. "Over the years I've collected as much information as I could get my hands on about souls. It's not as vast as it looks, a lot of it is repetitive and I don't remember reading anything about splitting a soul in two, but then, I wasn't looking for that kind of information so it could have slipped by me. I was just combing through it all until the sun set and I could go to the school."

"You find anythin' helpful?"

"No," Angel admitted. He dropped the piece of parchment he had been reading back into the chest and closed the lid. "I'll take it with me tonight, Giles might be able to do something with it."

"The witch said they'd all be researchin' tonight."

"Its what they do." Angel got up and lifted the chest into his arms. "Are you going to put yourself out and help?"

"I could come along," Spike replied evenly, he was unwilling to commit himself one way or the other until he saw how things were going to pan out.

"Try not to be a pain in the ass," Angel warned. "Remember, they're trying to help you."

"Help the witch you mean."

"It amounts to the same thing at the moment." Angel rested the chest on small table when he put on his coat before tucking it back under his arm. "Are you taking that bottle with you?"

"I am," Spike replied, almost challenging Angel to argue with him.

Angel didn't, he couldn't be bothered with Spike and his nonsense right now. Instead he led the way out of the house rolling his eyes in annoyance at Spike's dragging feet behind him.

They were all in the library as Angel had expected by the time he and Spike arrived. There was a pink box open on the table filled with crumbs and blobs of jelly and empty cans and bottles and packets of crisps littered about telling him they had been there for a while.

Buffy looked up as they entered her face lighting up at the sight of him. "You made it." She stood up putting down the book she had been reading. "What's that?"

"Some stuff I've collected on souls. I couldn't find anything useful but I thought Giles might like to look through it anyway," Angel placed the small chest on top of the counter.

Giles came out of his office polishing his glasses on the hem of his jumper. "Yes, I certainly would." He came over to open the chest and root around the parchment. "There might be something in here I can cross reference."

Cordelia sighed and tossed a book onto a pile at the end of the table. "Nothing in that one. What's next?"

"Try this one," Xander handed her a small leather bound book, he was sitting stretched out in his chair a large book propped up on his stomach and a chocolate bar in his hand. "Tell me again just what it is that we're looking for?"

"Anything," Oz said from beside him, he was pouring over a large decrepit looking book and cross referencing with a smaller one his brow furrowed in concentration.

"Any luck?" Angel asked taking off his coat and tossing it over the counter.

"Tons," Cordelia piped up. "If we were looking for things that don't help us in the slightest."

Buffy glared at her. "It's a process of elimination, right, Giles?"

"Quite," Giles agreed. "As we don't know exactly what will help in this situation we have to look at it from all angles and therefore there's no such thing as a failure. All information helps."

"Except when it doesn't," Cordelia retorted. "Look at those," she pointed to a tall pile of books. "We've been through each page in every book and nothing."

Spike took a deep gulp of whiskey, he was now officially depressed. Crossing the room he sank down in the chair vacated by the Slayer and looked at Willow who was sitting next to him. She had her lap top open but she didn't appear to be doing much with it except staring at the screen.

Willow's moods had been fluctuating all day. For the first time since she could remember she had woken that morning hardly bothered at all as to whether she went to school or not. She liked school, Willow wouldn't go as far as to say that she loved it, but she did enjoy school. There was structure and routine and familiarity in the school system and she enjoyed learning; that didn't mean that she didn't have days like everyone else when her last class seemed to drag on into eternity or a teacher or another student was particularly mean for no apparent reason, but on the whole, she liked school in spite of not being popular.

Her feet had dragged on the steps this morning, it was such a lovely day and the last thing Willow felt like doing was spending it in school. She had found her mind wandering to Faith, wondering what she got up to all day without school commitments. It would be nice, Willow had reflected, to go out and do whatever she wanted to do and not worry about anything or anyone.

Her mood had picked up in her first class, computer science. Willow loved computers, she was in her element in this particular class and she began to feel more like herself as the lesson wore on.

It had been in her third lesson of the day, history class, that her mind had begun to wander again and her eyes and turned longingly to the window. Willow had found herself wishing that she was outside in the world doing something fun rather than sitting in a stuffy classroom listening to her teacher droning on and on about stuff that he had read in a text book. She could read a text book, she hardly needed a teacher to tell her about history when she could read it for herself.

Spike had popped into her head then. He could probably tell her loads about history after all, he had lived it! That was pretty exciting, to have lived in history, experienced things other people could only read about. Spike had seen history come alive and Willow would bet her bottom dollar that Spike would make it sound much more interesting than her teacher did.

Spike must find them all pretty boring considering the life he had led. The thought depressed Willow. She was boring; all she did was school work and take a trip to The Bronze a couple of nights a week, if she didn't have too much homework to do or any research to help Giles with.

By the time school had ended Willow's depressing thoughts had vanished and she had parted company with Buffy and Xander as chipper as ever. She was disappointed that she hadn't had the opportunity to talk to Amy today but she was off school sick. Still, it wasn't the end of the world, she could talk to Amy tomorrow, she understood from Amy's friends that she had a bug and thought it might be one of those twenty four hour things.

Those niggling depressing thoughts were back again now, Willow watched everyone researching diligently and while she knew they were doing it to help her, she really couldn't be bothered with it. She had perked up a bit when Spike and Angel had come through the door, especially when she had caught sight of the chest Angel held, rather hoping he had the answers and they could stop researching and do something fun; it had not turned out that way.

She heaved a little sigh and frowned down at her hand as Oz reached out and patted it lightly. Pulling her hand away she turned to Spike. "Where did you go last night after you left my house?"

"He was at your house?" Xander's head shot up. "What was he doing at your house? You didn't invite him in did you?"

Willow frowned again. "Of course I didn't, and he came to talk to me."

"About what?"

"None of your business," Spike snapped.

When it became clear that Willow wasn't going to provide any further information Xander slipped a piece of paper into the book to mark his page and stood up. "Time for a doughnut run, who wants what?"

There was a flurry of movement as the others gave Xander their orders and dug about in bags and pockets for money.

Willow again turned to Spike. "So, where did you go?"

"Willy's." Spike's eyes swivelled to Angel, incensed with the amusement he saw in the other vampire's face.

Willow nodded, she should have expected that. There probably wasn't anywhere else he could go. She wondered if Spike had felt differently today, he didn't look guilt ridden and full or remorse and Willow's doubts as to the purity of her soul began to surface again.

"Giles, can I have a word?" Angel asked tentatively. It was awkward dealing with Giles at the best of times, he hadn't tried to do it on a one to one basis since his return. Angel knew that Giles hated him, could hardly bear the sight of him, and yet he could, for the most, part remain civil towards him. Angel had to admire that, Giles had a quiet dignity about him that Angel envied.

"Um… yes of course." Something told him that this was a private matter and Giles curiosity was roused. He didn't have any dealings with Angel if he could help it, not since Angelus had murdered his beloved Jenny. It haunted him still, the image of Jenny Calendar laying on his bed her lovely face, her beautiful eyes darkened with death, and it would continue to haunt him for the rest of his days.

His own time in the clutches of Angelus paled in comparison to the moment he walked into his bedroom with music playing setting the scene for romance and seduction only for the night of passion he had anticipated to turn into a living nightmare. Giles would willingly go back to that chair he had been bound to with thick rope that cut into his skin and suffer through the physical torture of Angelus as he towered over him demanding information about Acathala if it would bring Jenny back even for the most fleeting of moments.

Giles motioned towards the office and led the way inside with Angel following him and Buffy bringing up the rear. Angel surprised Giles further by stopping in the doorway and shaking his head at Buffy. "It's private, Buffy. Sorry."

Buffy flinched and Angel could tell by her expression that she was both surprised and hurt that he was excluding her.

"Oh… okay, I'll just…" she waved towards the table.

"It won't take long," he assured her.

Buffy stared up at him for a long moment as though she would see the answers written on his face, but she remained clueless as to what private matter Angel could possibly want to talk to Giles about. Shrugging, she turned away and took a seat next to Cordelia.

Spike watched the exchange from beneath his lashes. It was obvious to him that the Slayer wasn't used to being excluded and she didn't like it. Although whether she didn't like it because she wanted to know what was going on or whether she didn't like it because it was something Angel was involved in that she was not a part of, Spike couldn't quite make out.

Willow huffing beside him drew his attention away from the pouty Slayer and the cryptic wanker. "Problem, love?"

"All out," she said putting an empty can of soda back on the table. "I'm going to get a drink."

Spike slugged back some whisky. "I'll go with you."

"Oh no you don't," Buffy said her eyes darkening with suspicion. "You aren't going anywhere on your own with Willow."

"Just what do you think I'm gonna do, Slayer? Sell her to passin' gypsies?"

"I don't trust you," Buffy said. "You can either stay here or I'll go with you."

"It's alright, Buffy," Willow got to her feet and pushed the chair back. "I'll only be five minutes. Do you want anything?"

"What she wants she ain't gonna get," Spike said his eyes moving pointedly to the closed door of Giles office. He had the satisfaction of seeing the Slayer's face tighten into hard lines before he turned away tipping the bottle to his lips again and accompanied Willow from the room.

"You been sufferin' any side effects?" Spike demanded as soon as they were free and clear from the library.

"Not that I've noticed," Willow admitted. "Have you?"

"Oh yeah," Spike muttered darkly.

"Well?"

Spike cleared his throat and twisted the bottle between his fingers. "Got upset last night," he said, his face sullen.

"Upset? About what?"

"Kitten poker."

Willow looked confused. "What the heck is kitten poker?"

"Poker, but you play for kittens instead of cash."

"Well, you've got to play for something, or why play?"

Spike almost choked on his mouthful of whisky. Really he was only taking little sips now and again, he had brought the bottle purely to annoy Angel. "Come again, Red?"

"You need something to play for, don't you?"

"You do realise that the demons plan on eating the kittens, right?"

Her face fell. "They do? That's awful, Spike!"

"Just what I said."

"But… you know, kittens. They're so small, they don't do anyone any harm they're just little balls of fluff."

"That's exactly what I said!" Spike exclaimed. "Angel was right."

"About what?"

"He said that it was an effect of your soul inside me," Spike groaned. "I've got your bloody compassion."

Willow beamed. "Oh good!"

"What?" he glared at her, his eyes narrowed and heated.

"I was worried because last night you didn't seem any different at all and, well, I thought that, you know, maybe there was something wrong with me, with my soul."

Spike chuckled. "Doubt there's much wrong with your soul, Red."

"You can't know that for certain. It's my soul and I don't even know. Well, partly your soul too now I guess."

"I know," Spike said firmly. "I've been without a soul and surrounded by darkness and evil for the last century and when you live like that, when you spend your life sinning in the most horribly wonderful ways you can think of when you see goodness you know it; it calls to you in a way 'cos all you wanna do is corrupt it and bring it over to the shadows. You do what you do, helpin' the Slayer an' all 'cos it's the right thing to do, not many people do the right thing, pet even when they want to, trust me on that. You stand by the Slayer, you've become part of a fight that isn't yours an' yet you stay, you put your life on the line to help people with no more clue as to what's goin' on around 'em than the man in the moon, as me old mum used to say. You do it 'cos you feel it's the right thing, you do it 'cos you want to even though it could mean your untimely end. That's the good in you, pet, that's true goodness; to do something completely unselfish the way you do; and it's still in you, no need to worry 'bout that."

"Even now when I only have half a soul?"

She was looking at him with so much hope in her eyes that Spike couldn't find it in him to disappoint her. "Even now."

He probably wasn't that far off anyway, people like her had goodness running through their veins, the soul she had was still hers, a part of who she was and she was a good person; half a soul couldn't make that much of a difference.

"So, where are you goin' to get a drink?" They were stood in the corridor and it didn't look as though she had any intention of moving any time soon.

"The lounge's just down here, don't you remember the lay out of the school?"

"Not really, last time I was 'ere I was just lookin' to kill the Slayer," Spike said, glad to find that he was completely unrepentant about it. Perhaps it had been the alcohol that had him behaving like a total prat the previous evening, he had been hammered after all.

"Makes sense," Willow said.

"Not gonna give me a hard time 'bout it?" Spike asked surprised.

Willow shook her head. "Why should I give you a hard time for being who and what you are?"

"Other's would is all. You aren't afraid of me," Spike noted. "Last night you were."

"I just figured that a smart guy like you wouldn't want to kill me until you knew for sure what would happen to you and your half of my soul. You wouldn't want to run the risk of getting all my soul, would you?"

"No I bloody well wouldn't!"

She entered the canteen and dug about in her pocket for some change when she reached the vending machine. Running a finger lightly back and forth across the buttons Willow tried to decide just what she fancied to drink.

"There's always my option," Spike said holding out the bottle by the neck and wiggling it her.

Willow considered the bottle, she made no move to take it but she didn't reject the idea out of hand either.

"You drink much, pet?"

"Not at all," she admitted. "It helps to keep a clear head when you're patrolling, especially if you don't have super Slayer powers."

"Very sensible," Spike agreed. "I'll just keep this for meself then."

Willow frowned, her hand reaching for the bottle, why did she always have to be the sensible one? "I didn't say I wouldn't try it."

Eyebrow quirked in surprise Spike let her take the bottle and laughed when she took a swig, made a face and started coughing. "Not to your taste, love?"

"It's awful. How can you drink that stuff?"

"Not so bad when you get used to it." He took the bottle back from her. "That all you do at night, love, patrol? Shouldn't you be out 'aving fun? Like you said, you don't 'ave Slayer powers."

"I've been thinking along those lines a lot today," Willow confessed.

Spike smiled encouragingly. "What you say we ditch the goody-two shoes back there an' head out?"

"Out where?"

"Wherever you wanna go," Spike offered generously. He gestured dramatically towards the large windows. "I give you the night, pet."

"I'll take it," Willow said excitement colouring her voice. "I'll take it, Spike."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The night air was warm; the streets deserted and as she kept pace with Spike heading further away from the school and closer to town Willow had the strange feeling of escape; as though she had been let out of prison after years of service and solitude.

Somewhere inside her she was aware that she shouldn't be disappearing with Spike, that she should be sitting in the library with her friends who were all busy researching a way to help her out of her current predicament, one that she had been the cause of with her fumbling attempts at magic. But still Willow made no attempt to turn around and go back to the school.

"So, where we headin', pet?"

Willow's eyes widened when she realised that she didn't exactly have a destination in mind. She had only wanted to leave, to go with Spike, she hadn't given much thought as to where they would go. Willow had rather assumed that Spike would have something planned and to discover he hadn't and was leaving things up to her was both frightening and exhilarating; she hadn't been in charge girl before.

"The Bronze," she said at last.

Spike stifled a sigh but couldn't help rolling his eyes. Chit had an evil demon on her arm and a night filled with possibilities and yet she chose The Bronze. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, if he was to hazard a guess he would say that she had never done anything truly rebellious in her life.

"Probably best to start off small an' work your way up," he murmured, more to himself than to her.

Willow looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"It's hardly the most rebellious thing you could 'ave picked to do, but then, you're new at this, so best not to go overboard all at once. You wanna save the good stuff for later on," he said with a nod of satisfaction.

If he could mange it Spike thought it would be fun to join her in her teen rebellion stage, being evil he could offer her quite the alternatives to piercings and tattoos. It would be fun to not only watch, but actively aid the sweet little witch down the dark garden path. But he would have to go slowly, pushing her before she was ready would only make her scurry back to the safety and comfort of her friends.

"Good stuff?" She was probably more curious than she should be but Willow didn't ponder it.

"I'll show ya," Spike promised. "When you're ready."

Having an evil vampire like Spike show her the "good stuff" should have been a truly terrifying thought, but instead Willow found herself wondering when he would get around to showing her and just what the "good stuff" would entail. Her stomach fluttered with nervous anticipation.

Brow furrowed Spike looked her up and down as they walked along. She wore a pink jumper with daisies around the neck, a pink skirt and pale pink tights, the outfit clashed horribly with her red hair. Her hair he liked, rich and full it was, the colour of spilled blood, and her eyes, deep and green hiding a well of secrets.

"What?"

"You always wear those clothes?"

She glanced down at her outfit. "Yeah, why?"

"Just that you look like you got dressed in the dark is all."

A cross look settled over her face. "I don't criticize your clothes."

His response was immediate. "Nothin' to criticize 'bout my clothes."

"That's a matter of opinion."

"Matter of taste," he said evenly, a small smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.

"Spike," she began irritably. "If you don't want to go …"

"Now don't get your knickers in a twist," Spike held up a hand to forestall her complaints. "Just makin' conversation is all, love."

"Well don't!" she snapped. "If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all, Spike."

"Bloody hell, love I'll never open my mouth again if I gotta live by that tired cliché."

Willow laughed. "I suppose not, what with the evil demon thing."

"Exactly." Spike paused as they neared The Bronze. "You know, you could make that outfit a whole lot better right now if you had a mind too."

"I could?" Willow smoothed down her skirt. "How?"

"Those tights," Spike said with a snort. "They don't help matters, pet."

Willow picked absently at the tights, she always wore tights, she just didn't feel comfortable without them showing off her legs; but all of a sudden she really didn't care. Shrugging she stepped into the mouth of the alley out of the way and wiggled the tights over her hips and lifted a foot to pull off her shoe.

Spike grinned at the tangle she got herself into. "Let me help you."

Squatting down on his haunches Spike reached for the material bunched around her thighs, slowly peeling the pink fabric down her leg. Removing her shoe with one hand he balanced her foot in the palm of the other and drew the foot of the tights over her toes.

Willow kept very still, her hands resting lightly on his shoulders for balance. His hand was cool holding her foot, his finger tips brushing her skin so softly that Willow had to look down to be sure that he was in fact touching her and she wasn't imagining it.

She swallowed nervously, unable to suppress the shiver that worked its way over her body.

"There, much better," Spike said approvingly. He caught her legs just behind her knees. "You got lovely long legs, Red, dunno why you feel the need to hide 'em." He glanced up at her. "Bloke could drive himself crazy thinkin' 'bout climbin' the length of these."

His fingers flexed and Willow sucked in a sharp breath. Boys didn't talk to her like that. Not that she considered Spike to be a boy, he was very definitely all man, but still, the members of the male species in general tended to be completely oblivious to the fact that she was alive in the world, especially when she was with Buffy.

Willow could feel the blush creeping into her face and wished she could find something to say, something cheeky like Buffy, something flirty like Cordelia, something naughty like Faith; but her mind was a blank.

Spike watched the conflicting emotions on her face with interest. There was confusion as to what was happening, disbelief that he would really mean what he said but pleased that he would say it just the same; and there was a glint in her eyes, a glint he knew well, a glint that did not belong in the eyes of a good girl as she contemplated what it all might mean.

A tingle down the back of his neck alerted Spike to the arrival of the Slayer and he groaned inwardly.

A girl rounded the corner in jeans and a skimpy top her long dark hair wild about her shoulders and the tingle grew stronger. Spike knew without being told that she was a Slayer, but it didn't make sense, this was not Angel's perfect little princess, this girl was something darker altogether.

"Hi Faith," Willow greeted the new arrival.

Faith looked from Willow to the man at her feet with unconcealed curiosity. A grin curled her lips. "Whatcha doin'?"

Willow's blush deepened but she held her head high. "We're going to The Bronze. This is Spike, remember we told you about him and Drusilla and Angelus."

Faith stared long and hard at the handsome man. "He's a vamp?"

"Yeah," Spike stood up, surreptitiously shoving Willow's tights into the pocket of his duster. He eyed her warily. "You're a Slayer. You wanna explain this to me, Red?"

"I'll explain everything," Willow promised. "Can we go inside first?"

Spike smiled slightly. "You can do whatever you want, love. Night's yours, remember?"

"Why don't you come too, Faith? Something's happened, or more to the point, I've done something. It involves Spike so that's why he's here with me now. Um, you want to join us and I'll explain?"

Faith shrugged. "Was goin' in there anyway, might as well join you."

They went into The Bronze together and were lucky enough to find a table over at the far end of the stage. Spike went straight to the bar and returned a short time later with a beer for himself and Faith and a yellow drink in a tall glass for Willow.

"You'll like it better than the whisky," he promised when she sniffed at it suspiciously.

Faith took up the beer with a nod of thanks. It was a relief to find someone in Sunnydale who didn't think each and every rule had to be strictly adhered to. She had been in town for a while and had never seen Buffy or any of her friends doing anything remotely out of line. The very last person she had expected to see experimenting and indulging in teen irresponsibility was Willow Rosenberg.

"So, what's the sitch?"

Stirring her drink with the red and white stripped straw it came with Willow explained about Spike kidnapping her and Xander and the spell she had unwittingly cast. Faith listened her beer bottle half way to her mouth and her eyes growing wider and wider in disbelief.

When Willow had finished she let out a low whistle and took a swig from the bottle. "Way to screw things up, Red."

Spike was surprised when Willow merely laughed shortly and didn't burst into tears as he had expected. "It's a relief to hear someone other than Spike have that reaction."

"I'm not sure you could have screwed up any more if you tried," Faith admitted.

"Could 'ave given me my own soddin' soul back," Spike said crossly. "Things could always be worse."

"B and the others busy doing the research thing?"

Willow nodded. "I was there, well, we both were, but I just had to get out of there. Everything was just," she paused her arm moving around in a circle as she searched for the right words. "Stifling," she said at last. "I could feel it, all the tension in the air, all the blame that no-one was actually saying out loud but felt anyway. We don't know what to look for, we don't know exactly how I managed to do it and all everyone will say is "it's okay" or "it's going to be fine". They're driving me mad," she finished with a small groan. "I know they're trying to help but at the same time they're not, they just make it worse."

"You ever take a breath?" Spike asked staring at her fascinated. He had never seen anyone talk the way she did.

"So you came here for a little R and R, huh?"

"Something like that," Willow agreed.

She took a sip of her drink fully expecting to dislike it and was pleasantly surprised with the fruity flavour. She could hardly taste any alcohol at all. She took another sip, a long sip and Spike grinned.

Faith took another long drink of beer, from what Willow had told her there was a serious situation going on and B hadn't been round to tell her about it or ask for help or anything. She didn't like it, but it hurt. She was a Slayer too and it was hardly her fault that she had been called and sent to Sunnydale. It was hardly her fault that Golden Girl Buffy wasn't special anymore. She had a job to do and Buffy was too threatened by her to let her get on with.

"They know your here?" Faith asked after a while.

Willow shook her head. "I doubt Buffy has noticed that I'm taking so long to get back from the canteen. She never notices anything else when Angel's around."

Faith was surprised at the snarky comment, from what she had seen of B's little friends they were always ready to jump in at the deep end whenever there was a problem and never seemed to resent being dragged into a world they should really have no part in.

Spike snorted. It was pathetic and utterly ridiculous this obsessive need Angel had to pant after the Slayer. Personally he had killed two of them and Angel was busy mooning about over one like a love sick puppy. Spike was almost humiliated over it, Angel being part of his bloodline and all.

"You wanna hit the dance floor, get rid of all that stress," Faith advised.

Willow turned in her seat and looked out at the dancing couples, the flashing lights turning hair and faces waxy green and bright purple. She envied them all, dancing, laughing, lost in their own worlds of freedom and fun without having to worry about vampires and souls and the end of the world.

She looked at Spike and he shook his head. "No need to concern yourself with me, love. You go an' dance, I'll be right here."

"Are you sure? Sort of feels like I'm abandoning you."

Spike laughed and settled further back in his seat. "Gonna 'ave my old mate Jack to keep me company after I've finished this," he tapped the top of the beer bottle. "I'll be fine." Besides, he could hardly go and find himself a meal with her and the Slayer hanging about.

"Jack?" Willow asked confused.

"Jack Daniels."

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Alright, if your sure."

Willow slipped from her seat and followed Faith to the dance floor. It didn't take long for her to unwind and really start to enjoy herself. As she danced with Faith, their fingers entwined, bodies moving together Willow had a strange feeling of relaxation, as if she could actually feel her worries leaving her and her inhibitions peeling away in much the same fashion as a snake shedding its skin.

Faith soon made friends with a gang of boys hovering at the edge of the dance floor, her writhing body holding their attention. Like a siren she hypnotised each one in turn drawing them in to dance.

Face flushed with the heat of the tightly packed bodies on the dance floor, tiny beads of perspiration standing out across her forehead and her hair sticking to the back of her neck Willow flitted from Faith to Spike in search of a drink to cool down and Spike always had one of those fruity drinks ready and waiting for her.

She couldn't say when she had last enjoyed herself so much. There was a momentary spark of anxiety when she made another trip back to the table to find that Spike was gone, but Faith was there to walk home with her and Spike had generously left her a drink to be going on with and the anxiety soon left her.

The amps sent the pounding beat of the base guitar vibrating along the floor and Willow felt it rock through her body. Eyes closed, head titled back she lost herself in the music. She forgot about research, the library, her soul, Spike; the only things of importance in her world now was the music and Faith's fingers still curled around her own.

XxX

Willow had an arm wrapped around the waist of one of the boys, his arm was around her shoulders and they were singing along to the music, jumping up and down on the spot and punching the air with their free hands when Spike materialised at her elbow.

"Spike!" Willow beamed to see him standing there. "I thought you'd left."

"Time to hit the road, love." Spike's Slayer alarm was going off and he had just noticed the Slayer and her lap dog walk through the door. He was in no mood for a stand off with them it would only ruin his night.

Her face fell. "Now?"

"Now."

Her lips pursed and for a moment Spike thought she would refuse to go with him, but she leant over to shout into Faith's ear and then she submitted to being taken out the back way.

Willow sucked in a deep breath as the night air cooled her skin. "That was so much fun, Spike. The Bronze has never been that much fun before. Where did you go? I went to the table and you weren't there any more."

"Had somethin' to take care of is all." Spike glanced at the dumpster as they passed by, he didn't even wonder who it was he had tossed in there and how long they would remain there. "The other Slayer weren't all that bad as Slayers go, prefer her to the blonde bint at any rate. You wanna explain her to me, love?"

"Who Faith?" Swinging up onto her toes Willow proceeded to hop from one flag stone to the other trying not to step on the cracks.

Spike watched her little dance with amusement. She spoke slowly as she brought him up to speed on the two Slayer situation; a combination of her alcohol induced brain and her concentration on her game.

She stopped suddenly, throwing her arms out to the side she spun around in a circle. "Tonight was great. We should do it again."

"Always up for a bit of fun, love. You just name the time and place."

Willow paused in her spinning, lost her footing and fell off the curb. "Oh my God," she looked up at Spike with large eyes. "Are you okay?"

His eyebrow quirked, a look of amusement on his face. "I'm fine."

"Oh good, so long as you didn't hurt yourself."

"No, I'm tip top, pet." Not bothering to correct her he offered his hand to help her up. "Are you alright?"

"I'm great," she was smiling again a wild sense of freedom resonating throughout her entire body. "I really liked that drink you gave me. It was yummy."

"Said you'd like it better than the whisky, didn't I."

"You were right. You're so smart, Spike."

"And you're a lightweight," he teased amiably. "Best get you home, love."

She pouted at him. "Why did we have to leave so soon? I was still dancing and having fun. I never get to have any fun."

"Well I'm here now, I'll make sure you have plenty of fun. And one sure fire way to ruin the fun is 'aving the poof show up."

"Angel was at The Bronze?"

Spike nodded lighting up a cigarette. "With Little Miss Tight Arse in tow."

Willow giggled at his description of Buffy. "Looking for me?"

"Most likely."

Spike grinned as he imagined the look of utter panic on the faces of Angel and his precious Slayer when they had arrived at the student lounge to see his half empty bottle of whisky sitting on the table and no signs of a struggle. Their minds had probably been racing trying to figure out what had happened to Willow.

"I'm allowed to have fun."

Why did she always have to be the responsible one? Why did she always have to be research girl and homework girl and boring girl? It wasn't fair that the others always expected her to be that one thing; the reliable one.

"'Course you are, pet."

"Will you be around tomorrow night, Spike?"

"You got somethin' in mind?" he asked with interest, she'd had a taste of it now; irresponsibility and Spike was determined that she should have more of it.

She looked at him suspiciously. "Why are you so interested in what I do with my evenings?"

"Got my reasons."

Willow shrugged, the alcohol in her system kicking in turning the edges of her mind blurry and unfocused.

"So, what's your big plan for tomorrow?" Spike blew a stream of smoke into the air.

Willow hopped up and down on the spot her fingers curling around his arm and tugging lightly. "Will you think of something? I'm too fuzzy to think."

Spike smiled slowly. "Yeah, pet I'll think of somethin', leave it to me."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Buffy was officially worried, she and Angel had scoured the town and they hadn't even caught a glimpse of Willow or Spike. Willy swore blind he hadn't see Spike since the previous evening and that he had never seen Willow at all.

Angel believed that they were together and Buffy so no reason to doubt him. But she had no idea why Willow would sneak off with Spike, it stood to reason that he must have kidnapped her again, although Buffy couldn't see why Spike would do that, she didn't see what he hoped to gain by it after all, he knew that they hadn't yet discovered the way to reverse the spell.

The Bronze was packed; Angel took the stairs to the second floor while Buffy elbowed her way through the crowd towards the dance floor. She scanned the area around her hopping up onto her tip toes craning her neck as she searched for her best friend. Willow she didn't find, but her temper flared when she caught sight of Faith surrounded by a group of boys quite clearly lost to the music.

Pushing her way onto the dance floor Buffy grabbed hold of Faith's arm and yanked her away from the boys. "We have a crisis on our hands and you're dancing!"

Faith scowled. "Maybe I wouldn't be dancin' if you bothered to tell me that we had a crisis on our hands. What's the sitch?"

"Willow's missing, she's…"

"With Spike," Faith finished. "She's alright."

Buffy blinked thrown for a moment. "You've seen her?"

Faith nodded. "She only left a few minutes ago; she's been here all night."

Buffy blanched, it stung, knowing that Willow had been here with Faith and Spike all night without her. She was aware that it was the wrong aspect to be focusing on but she couldn't help feeling hurt over it.

"Willow's been here all night, with you?"

"Yeah, that's what I just said. She told me about the soul thing, pretty big stuff, huh?"

And the stinging pain just kept on coming. It shouldn't make a difference that Willow had told Faith but it sort of did. Willow hadn't really spoken about it, all she would say was that she hadn't meant for it to happen and that she was fine. For a girl who babbled most of the time it was disconcerting to see her so quiet. Had Willow confided in Faith? If Willow was talking about it that should be a good thing and Buffy hated that she couldn't get totally on board with that. Willow was her best friend, if she was going to talk to someone it should be her, or Oz or Xander or even Cordelia; but not Faith and Buffy couldn't exactly say why.

"Yeah it is," Buffy agreed. "Where did she go?"

Faith shrugged. "I dunno, she just said she was leaving."

"And you didn't stop her or ask where she was going? You just let her leave with Spike?" Buffy was incredulous.

"Not down to me to tell Willow what she can and can't do. If she wants to go with Spike that's her choice."

"You're a Slayer, Faith," Buffy said impatiently. "Spike's a vampire, and not just any vampire either, he's as evil as they get and you should have stopped her going with him."

"Like you did, you mean?" Faith asked with a lift of her eyebrow.

Buffy flushed, she had no response and that was pretty annoying. Luckily Angel chose that moment to reappear. "They aren't upstairs."

"Faith said that they left a few minutes ago."

Angel's shoulders relaxed. Now that he knew that Spike hadn't done anything untoward he felt better. Spike was known to have a short fuse and to lash out and Angel wouldn't have put it past him to lash out at Willow killing her in the process in the hopes that her death would result in ending the spell she had cast. He was pleased to discover that Spike was using some common sense for a change.

"Did Spike say where he was going?" Angel asked. He had the sneaking suspicion that Spike was the master mind behind tonight's escapades.

"No. You want some help looking for them?"

"We'll split up," Angel said turning to head out the door. "You two take the cemetery and I'll sweep the streets."

Buffy bit her lip worriedly. "He won't have taken her to the cemetery would he?"

"Probably a hot first date for a vampire," Faith said falling in behind Angel.

"It's not a date!" Buffy exclaimed crossly. "He's kidnapped her again."

"She seemed to be here of her own free will to me."

Rubbing at her forehead as she left The Bronze Buffy wondered what could have been going through Willow's mind to disappear with Spike this way.

They searched the streets around The Bronze together before splitting up. Angel went one way and Faith and Buffy the other.

There was some action in the cemetery but no sign of Spike or Willow. Buffy and Faith worked together almost seamlessly fighting the nest of vampires they came across, but they didn't speak.

"She'll be fine," Faith said after dusting the last vampire.

"She'd be better if she wasn't with Spike," Buffy muttered.

"Spike's not gonna let anything happen to her, B. Don't you think she deserves a chance to blow off some steam after what's happened? You know Willow better than I do but she always seemed so in her head, you know, the type who thinks about everything. It'll do her good to try and forget about everything for one night."

"Maybe," Buffy conceded. "But it's not like Willow to just up and leave without saying anything, especially with someone like Spike!"

"She's goin' through some stuff, come on, B we've all been there."

Buffy stopped walking and groaned, closing her eyes for a moment. "I'm the worst friend ever."

Willow had a lot on her mind, she had a lot to deal with and try to absorb with this whole soul splitting thing, and all Willow had done was sneak away from research one night. When she'd had a lot to deal with and absorb after killing Angel she had ran away from Sunnydale altogether. She hadn't confided in Willow or Xander or Giles, she had run. Buffy felt that she could hardly blame Willow for wanting some space.

Faith didn't respond to the comment. She had nothing to say, she had never had a close group of friends the way Buffy did. She'd had friends of course, but Faith could honestly say that her friends wouldn't have stuck around the way Willow, Cordelia and Xander did for Buffy. It took a special kind of person to join a fight that wasn't their own, Buffy had fallen in lucky with her friends.

"Let's swing by Willow's, maybe he took her home."

"Fine by me."

Buffy was a little chattier on the way to Willow's house. She told Faith about their research and how they hadn't found anything yet. "But it's only the first night of research, we don't always find the answers straight off."

"But you always do."

"Yeah, and we will this time. Giles is going to ring around his contacts in the morning and see if anyone can help out. "

"Sounds like you've got all bases covered."

"Yep," Buffy forced a smile to her face. "It's Willow, you know, we'll do everything we can to put this right for her."

Willow's street was quiet, Faith hadn't been there before and she took in the perfectly manicured lawns, the picket fences, the fancy cars in the driveways of equally fancy houses, even the street lights were all in working order. She'd bet her life that the pets in this street had it better than she did growing up.

"Nice digs," she said when Buffy paused outside a large house with whitewashed walls and flowers boarders in the garden.

Buffy frowned up at the house, it was in total darkness. "Willow's room is round the back, we'd better check it out. If her light isn't on we'll knock."

She was relieved to see light spilling from Willow's bedroom window, Buffy liked to know her friends were home safely tucked up in their beds. "I'll just…."

"Let her alone," Faith put a hand on Buffy's arm. "Look B, if she had wanted to talk to you about things she wouldn't have left the school tonight. Maybe she just wants some time to think things out for herself."

Buffy let out a loud sigh and nodded. "Maybe your right, I'll see her in the morning instead." She turned away from the house but didn't leave until she threw one last backwards look at the window, she smiled when the light went out, it settled her mind knowing that Willow really was safe and sound tucked up in bed.

XxX

Willow woke the following morning with a low groan, her head felt stuffed up, her mouth was as dry as the bottom of a bird cage and she felt sick. At least the room had stopped spinning; Willow remembered the room spinning a lot when she got in, although she didn't quite remember the walk home.

Sitting up and pressing a hand to her queasy stomach Willow eased herself out of bed and made her slow way to the bathroom. Running the cold water tap she tilted her head and drunk greedily. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand Willow leant on the sink for a while the white porcelain cool and smooth beneath her hands.

She remembered being at The Bronze and dancing with Faith. She remembered leaving with Spike and she remembered flopping on her bed when she got home, that was about it. Clearly she hadn't changed as she was still wearing the clothes from the previous day. Willow made a face, she had never been drunk before and never slept in her clothes before. She needed a hot shower to try and drag herself into the land of the living.

Nothing else came to her as she went through her morning routine still only half aware of what she was doing, not until she climbed into the shower and started to soap her legs. Then it came rushing back to her, something that was half memory and half a dream but felt so very real, more real than any other experience including the near death ones; Spike's hands on her legs, Spike's fingers trailing down her hot skin, Spike's voice, deep and husky his eyes piercing blue as he looked at her and spoke to her; words that were designed to flatter and scorch and arouse and had hit their mark with no problem at all.

A tremor ran through her body and Willow found she was almost hyperventilating. The most erotic moment of her life and been with a vampire. An evil vampire. A vampire who was the Slayer of Slayers. A vampire whose evil deeds were legendary the world over and was known as part of the Scourge of Europe he was so notorious.

It was bad, somewhere inside her Willow knew it was bad, but still she clung on to that thrilling feeling of Spike.

Once she had finished in the bathroom she went and glared at the contents of her wardrobe before pulling on a denim skirt and taking a plain white blouse from her mother's room. She spent some time rooting through the clothes her mother had left behind but Shelia Rosenberg was bigger in the chest that her teenage daughter and therefore her tops pretty much just hung on Willow's slender frame. The blouse was the best thing she could find and even then it was a more than a little bit loose, but Willow preferred it to the alternative offerings in her wardrobe.

She was about to go and have breakfast when she noticed the time. With a loud squeak Willow scurried around her room packing up her bag and raced from the house. She was never late for school not ever, today she was going to ruin that perfect record and she squirmed. She didn't want to do that but thanks to Spike keeping her out drinking until all hours it couldn't be avoided.

Late didn't really begin to cover it, she arrived at school during break after her first two classes were over. The only time she had ever arrived at school this time was if she had an appointment like the doctor or the dentist. Willow liked the stability of a routine, she liked knowing where she was meant to be and when which is why she and the school time table got along really well, unlike Xander and the school time table who were old enemies. He really resented the early starts to his day, especially when math was involved as a first lesson.

Willow entered the school through the main doors and headed straight to the library, she figured the others would be there worrying about her and discussing her absence. Willow Rosenberg absent from school with no good reason was a topic for discussion and Willow frowned slightly at the thought.

They were, as Willow had thought, all in the library when she pushed through the doors. "Hey," she greeted them with a smile.

"Willow!" Buffy hurried across the room and threw her arms around her friends neck. "I've been…. I mean, we've all been really worried about you. Where have you been?"

Oz reached out and tangled his fingers with hers. "Are you alright? I tried getting you on the phone this morning and last night but you didn't answer. You had me worried."

Willow could honestly say that she'd had no idea the phone had been ringing that morning, she must have been really zoned out. "I didn't get in until late and I slept late. I didn't mean to make you worry. I just…" she gestured impatiently with her free hand unsure of right words to say to make them understand.

"I know," Oz raised their joined hands to his lips placing a kiss on the back of her hand. "It must be hard on you. Maybe we weren't supportive or understanding enough last night."

Willow smiled a little worm of guilt wiggling in her chest. "Maybe I didn't give you the opportunity to be supportive, you know, leaving like that. I should have told you what I was doing but I didn't think. I really didn't mean to worry you all."

"It's okay, really it is," Buffy promised. "Oz is right, we probably weren't understanding enough. This isn't an end of the world situation, this is a Willow situation, we should have shown you more support. We will from now on. I'm sorry," she slid an arm through Willow's. "You were there for me when I needed you, you know, when things got... got personal and I let you down."

"No," Willow shook her head quickly. "You didn't, Buff, I don't know what I was thinking, I probably wasn't to go disappearing like that."

"Personal?" Cordelia piped up from where she was leaning against the counter. "That's what you call it when you turn your boyfriend all psychotic and he tries to kill us all?"

"Cordelia," Xander groaned.

"Okay," Buffy stepped back and held out her hands, her face pink as she tried to ignore Cordelia. Cordelia Chase could always be relied upon to speak the truth and it grated on Buffy. "New rule. We talk about it, okay Wills? No matter what you're thinking or feeling you talk to us about it. We'll listen with no judgement, I promise."

"She's right," Oz said. "This is a whole new situation for us to deal with. It's never been this personal before and we're all a little scared, you probably most of all and that's perfectly understandable. It's alright to be frightened, Willow, just you know, talk to us."

"Willow, are you sure that you're feeling alright?" Giles asked

"I'm fine," she turned to look at Giles and noticed for the first time that Faith was there too.

"No side effects?" Giles persisted. He couldn't get his conversation with Angel out of his head, Spike, _Spike _tearing up over kittens! It was pretty clear to both Giles and Angel that Spike's behaviour had been caused by Willow's soul setting up home inside him, and Giles couldn't understand why Willow didn't appear to be experiencing any changes at all.

Willow shook her head. "Nope, I'm just the same. Just me. All Willow."

Xander grinned. "That's my Willster."

"I thought I'd talk to Amy today, see if she had any ideas," Willow suggested and Giles nodded his agreement.

"Good idea," Xander said. "Another witch in the mix can't be bad, right?"

"I certainly think that all avenues should be explored in this case. Amy's mother as we know was a pretty powerful witch. She would have to be to perform a body swap the way she did. There just might be something in her collection of spells and paraphernalia that might help, or at the very least point us in the right direction," Giles said.

"Body swapping can't be all that different from soul splitting, can it?" Xander asked. "I mean they're kinda the same, putting something into someone else's body."

"In principle maybe," Giles said. "But souls are tricky things, it's best not to get ahead of ourselves until Willow has spoken to Amy. I don't mean to sound pessimistic," he told Willow with a small smile. "But I don't want you to get upset if Amy turns out to be a dead end. There are still many angles to look at yet."

The bell suddenly sounded loud and shrill and Xander groaned dramatically. "Science. I hate science."

"You hate all your classes," Cordelia responded gathering up her books. "If you don't start paying attention you'll spend the rest of your life asking people "do you want fries with that?""

"And what's your big plan for the future?" Xander demanded hopping off the counter and following her from the room. "You gonna design a new purse that'll bring about world peace?"

Oz watched them go. "Love's wonderful, isn't it?"

Buffy snorted. "I don't get it, but it seems to work for them so who am I to argue? You ready Wills? The science lab awaits."

"I'll walk you both," Oz offered. He didn't want to let Willow out of his sight unless he had to. He wasn't the over protective, suffocating kind of boyfriend but he was worried about her. That sixth sense of his kept kicking in telling him that something wasn't right with Willow and he was starting to get concerned about her scent; Oz was pretty sure that the previous night it had started to change but right now he could smell nothing but Willow.

"Give me a minute, I'll be right there." She stood there looking pointedly at the door when neither of them moved.

"We'll wait for you in the hall," Oz said, sensitive to the fact that she may have something she wished to confide to Giles. He wished she would talk to him but so long as she was talking to someone Oz wasn't complaining too much. Maybe she thought it was too hard for him, what with her soul being part of another man. He made a mental note to let her know that Spike didn't bother him, he wasn't the jealous type either.

"Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?" Giles asked.

"No," Willow shook her head. "I wanted to talk to Faith."

"Oh," Giles nodded and took up a pile of books from the counter and went up into the stacks.

Faith grinned. "Don't think he was expecting that. What's up?"

Willow let out a heavy sigh. "Just wanted to say thanks, you know, for not telling them about last night."

Faith's grin deepened. "You wanna walk on the wild side with a wild vamp that's your business."

Willow bit her bottom lip her mind drifting to Spike for a moment. If ever a vamp was wild it was Spike.

"You changing your look?" Faith eyed the slightly baggy blouse.

Willow made a face. "I was getting dressed this morning and I realised that everything I own is fuzzy! I had to borrow one of my mother's blouses to look even half way decent, and it's too big for me."

"Here," Faith lent forward and untucked the blouse, pulling the ends tight together she knotted them at Willow's waist. "It doesn't look so big on you now."

"Thanks," Willow fingered the knot absently.

"You'd better get to class."

"What will you do all day?"

Faith shrugged and stood up swinging her arms back and forth. "Whatever I feel like doing. Haven't decided yet. You, um, you seeing Spike again tonight?"

"I doubt it, I'm sure he has more interesting things to do than hang out here and research with us. I don't see Spike as research vamp but more of the find-a solution-or-I'll –rip-your –heart-out kinda vamp." Willow honestly couldn't remember if she had agreed to see Spike tonight or not, but she suspected that she hadn't. Spike probably wouldn't want to spend any more time with her than was necessary after what she had done to him. Still, there was a part of her that couldn't help remembering the previous night and the feel of his hands on her skin.

"Well, see ya round," Faith said when they left the library, she turned to the left and Oz, Willow and Buffy went to the right.

"So," Buffy feigned enthusiasm. "Science."

Willow took Oz's offered hand. "Science," she said aloud. But her mind said _Spike. _

XxX

Once she had gotten to the science lab Willow's day began to pick up. School had a calming effect on her mind and she busied herself with her class work. She had managed to catch Amy after science and explained her current predicament. Amy had agreed to look through her mother's things and promised to let her know if she found anything. She had even offered to be her second in executing a spell if Willow thought she might need her, it was a nice feeling, knowing that Amy was willing to go so far to help her.

She had a ton of homework to do, especially since she hadn't gotten a thing done the previous night. She had agreed with Buffy that they would meet at the library later that evening after Buffy had been on patrol and Willow had managed to catch up on her homework. She wasn't all that much behind in her work, not when she compared herself with Xander, but Willow was never behind in her school work and the very thought of handing in an assignment late made her queasy.

Willow sat at her desk with her lap top open and books spread out around her as she tried to compile her essay for English. Willow didn't find English any great chore the way Xander and Buffy did and she especially enjoyed Shakespeare. Sometimes she got so caught up in the story that she ended up reading the whole play before she even got started on her homework.

A knock at the French windows brought Willow out of the tragic romantic world of Shakespeare. Marking her page she pulled back the curtains not overly surprised to see Spike on the other side of the glass smoking a cigarette.

"Hello, Spike." She opened the windows.

The first thing she noticed was that he smelled great, a smoky-leather scent with a spice that was sensually enticing. Her head buzzed as a sensation of heat washed over her. Her gaze collided with those lovely blue eyes of his, turning her instantly into a marshmallow.

"Red."

"W…What are you doing here?"

A smirk slid across his lips. "You don't remember?"

"No."

"You asked me to think of somethin' to do tonight, so I did. 'M always willin' to give a lady what she wants."

Willow's cheeks pinked, she had the feeling that he wasn't talking about a night out and her mind spun back to the alley way when he had squatted at her feet and held her legs in his hands. She was so glad that Spike couldn't read minds.

"I… I have homework to do," she gestured weakly behind her towards her desk.

Spike rolled his eyes propping himself up against the wall. "Thought you wanted to 'ave fun, pet."

"Fun will just have to wait," she stood firm. "I have homework to do right now."

"Surely you know a little spell to get it done quicker?"

"No," Willow shook her head. "Amy knows one, or at least she knows a spell to pretend to hand homework in, but I don't. It's not a spell that I need."

"Magic can help you get things done, help you get what you want. If you 'ave the power, use it, why shouldn't you?" Spike pointed out.

"That's not exactly what magic is for, Spike."

"Says who?"

"Giles."

Spike burst out laughing. "The Watcher? Oh love, what does he know about it?"

Willow bristled on Giles behalf. "Giles knows what he's talking about. He can do magic too you know."

"No, I didn't know," Spike said exhaling smoke behind him. "But I do know he's not half as powerful as you are."

"Me?" she almost squeaked. "Powerful? Where did you get that from?"

"Like I said before, you've performed two spells involving souls, that's powerful stuff. Besides, I feel it, not all the time, but I do feel it."

Her head titled quizzically. "Feel it? What do you mean?"

Spike tapped his chest lightly. "In here. Don't forget that part of you is inside me, love."

That shouldn't have made her shiver. It shouldn't have made her stomach flutter; but it did. Willow swallowed and rubbed at her suddenly tight throat.

"You should use it, use what's yours an' use it for you," Spike urged, his voice low and insistent.

"I don't know how," Willow spoke softly.

"Practice and control," Spike said. "The more you use your power the more you'll feel it inside you an' the more it will become yours and yours alone to wield and control. It won't control you the way it did when you split your soul."

She looked suddenly helpless and lost, almost as though she were drowning in his words and Spike held out a hand to her. "I'll help you, if you want me to."

"Yes," her voice was barely above a whisper.

Willow reached for his offered hand her fingers sliding between his.

Spike smiled slowly.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

His fingers were cool in hers and Willow shivered a little. Taking a step back she drew him with her. "Come in, Spike."

"Don't mind if I do." Spike stepped into her room his eyes darting around as he took in his surroundings. The first thing he noticed however was the scent of her room, laundry powder, perfume, candles and Willow. Spike inhaled deeply, he liked it.

Willow had redecorated her room when she moved into high school, it was no longer the room of a little girl and she wasn't one for fussy frills and pink stuff either. But Spike made her room look small and feminine, he was just so _male _standing there in head to toe black and that red shirt that somehow accentuated his pale skin and made him look like a marble statue when he stood still.

Spike very rarely stood still and now was no exception. He moved around her in a circle, unable to go too far as she was still holding his hand. Willow blushed furiously when she realised what she was doing and dropped his fingers quickly.

"I have to finish my essay, it's nearly done, I won't be long."

"You carry on pet, don't mind me." Spike wandered to her chest of drawers and examined the nick knacks lying about on top of it.

"Do you want a drink? I don't have blood but I have alcohol."

"Just tell me where it is an' I'll get it, don't want to disturb you," Spike smiled pleasantly at her.

"In the living room, the cabinet by the TV."

Spike nodded. "I'll get to it."

"Right," Willow sat back at her desk and reopened Shakespeare but it was impossible for her to concentrate when Spike was wandering about behind her picking things up and then putting them down, running his finger along the spines of her books, peering into her fish tank and tapping lightly at the glass and squatting to examine her music collection expressing his opinion at what he found there with a loud snort. Willow shot him an annoyed look but didn't say anything.

Eventually he left the room and Willow let out a breath of relief and rolled her shoulders, she was suddenly feeling all tense.

Shakespeare did not hold as much interest for her now as it had only minutes ago, now her mind was on the vampire pottering about in the other room. She wondered what he was doing; it shouldn't take him this long to pour himself a drink. But, having been alone in her own home for so long it was nice to hear movement down the hallway and know that just for now, just for tonight there was someone else within these four walls with her; it was comforting somehow.

Pulling her mind back to her homework Willow forced herself to focus, the sooner she finished the sooner she could try out some spells with Spike.

He reappeared a little while later with a glass of scotch in his hand. Propping himself up against the door frame Spike watched her as her fingers flew over the keyboard and her lips moved in silent thought of what came next.

"You about done?"

Willow jumped startled. "Goodness, don't do that." She pressed a hand to her heart for a moment. "Yes, just got to print it off and I'm all done."

"Good." Spike came into the room shrugging off his duster and tossing it across the back of a chair.

The printer groaned to life and Willow frowned at it. She really needed a new one, this one was on its last legs and it would be just her luck that it would conk out on her when she had a super important homework assignment to do. Shuffling her papers together, closing down her lap top and putting her books back into her bag Willow nodded once in satisfaction, homework was done and now she could have fun.

"I'm ready." Her smile faltered when she saw him, he looked so different without his trademark coat and Willow found herself fixating on the tight fit of his jeans.

"Finally."

Spike turned to face her and Willow noticed that those jeans were just as nice from the front as from the back. She hadn't noticed before what with him trying to kill her and wearing that long coat. There was a little tingle in her belly as her eyes slid up his flat stomach, over a chest that was really worth sighing about, to the broad expanse of his shoulders. He wasn't built big like Angel but Willow felt she preferred Spike's more compact frame. She finished her perusal with sharp cheekbones a chiselled jaw, amazing blue eyes and she almost forgot to breathe.

"Oh, Buffy!" Willow bit her bottom lip. "I'm supposed to meet her for patrol."

"You better do somethin' 'bout that, pet. Don't want her turnin' up here lookin' for you."

Picking up the phone she dialled the library in the hopes that she would catch Buffy before she headed out. Giles answered on the third ring.

"Hey, Giles it's me, Willow. Did Buffy leave yet?"

"No not yet, she's still here. Is something wrong?"

"Not wrong exactly," Willow said. "But, um, I won't be able to make patrol with her tonight. I um, I'm not feeling well."

"Is it a side effect?" Giles asked worriedly.

"No, it's just a headache. I think I'll have an early night."

"Well yes of course, if you're unwell sleep is the best thing for you," Giles agreed. "Don't worry about anything, Willow we'll keep researching here. It's probably all the worry and stress of the last few days catching up with you. Try and get a good night's sleep."

"I will, thanks, Giles. Good night."

"Good night, Willow."

"Oh, and um, tell Oz that I'll see him tomorrow, okay?"

Giles smiled into the phone. "I will."

"Now that's all sorted, what'll we start with, love?" Spike asked taking a seat at her desk.

"Well, I'm still learning, but there's this cloaking spell I wanted to try out. I figured that if I could master that then it would be a big help to Buffy, and well, Faith too now I guess. But," her mouth turned down at the corners. "The last time I tried it the candle melted all over the place."

Spike chuckled. "Just need to concentrate is all. Not sure how much I like the idea of the Slayer 'aving that kind of advantage over me though."

"Oh well, I wouldn't use it against you, Spike. Just, you know, other vampire's and demons."

"Sounds fair."

Willow smiled, leaning over him she plucked a pencil out of the pot on her desk. "There's something I want to show you, it's pretty neat." Setting the pencil down she knelt at his feet and stared at the pencil for a long moment. At first nothing happened but then the pencil quivered and began to rise into the air and slowly rotate. "Neat huh?"

"Uh huh." Spike wasn't really thinking about rotating pencils when she was in this position. His mind went unbidden to the dark corners of desire and Spike found himself fantasising about her turning towards him, unzipping his jeans and taking him in her mouth as his fingers slid through her hair.

"I wish all spells could be this easy."

Spike drew his attention back to the present. "They will be love, just give it time."

"How much time? Like, soon?"

Spike chuckled. "If you work hard."

"I can do that. I'm the original work hard girl," Willow said with a nod.

Spike looked from her to the pencil. "Might not need to work that hard, the pencil's still rotatin' and you're not concentratin' on it at all."

Willow glanced over her shoulder at the pencil. "Oh it'll do that until I make it stop. Sometimes I forget it's even there."

"So you don't have to concentrate to make it spin?"

She shook her head. "Not really, only to get it started. Once I got really frustrated with my math homework and it started spinning like crazy, it got really blurry. Like the pencil version of The Flash or something. He's the one right? The fast one?"

Spike looked confused. "I don't know who that is, pet."

Willow shrugged. "It's not important."

"Can you float more than one pencil?"

"I don't know. I've never tried it. Let's try." Reaching for the pot of pens and pencils Willow emptied them across her desk, spreading them out before settling back down to concentrate. It didn't take her long before the air above her desk was filled with floating stationary. She beamed at Spike.

"Can you levitate something bigger than a pencil?"

"Levitate?" Willow frowned. "I never thought about it that way. You know, levitation. I just figured it was neat that I could float a pencil."

Spike let out an unnecessary breath. "That's because you're tryin' to learn all this stuff on your own. If you 'ad someone to guide you then you'd be lookin' at things differently. I told you the Watcher didn't know what he was about, didn't I?"

"Giles tries his best," Willow said. "But well, he's a Watcher, Buffy's Watcher. He can't do everything at once."

For that Spike was grateful. With the Watcher busy watching over the Slayer that gave him free reign with Willow. The things he would show her, the things he could teach her, with his guidance she would be a force to be reckoned with in time. She had a power inside her that was raging against its restraints and just itching to get out; Spike was intent on unleashing that power.

"Good thing I'm here to help then."

She smiled, "Guess so."

"Try levitating a book next, it's not too big but its bigger than a soddin' pencil. That's child's play, you're better than that, love."

"You think so?" she looked surprised.

Spike tapped his chest. "I know so."

"Levitation," Willow murmured going to her bed and pulling out a large magic book from beneath it. "Neat."

Spike grinned. "When you really get the hang of it there'll be no stoppin' you. You'll be able to levitate all kinds of things."

"Really? Like what?"

He shrugged. "Cars, people, vampire's in trouble," he winked and she laughed.

"Levitating you out of trouble would be a full time job."

He laughed and nodded his agreement. "Can't argue with that, pet."

For the next few hours Willow concentrated on levitation, gradually moving on to bigger and heavier objects. Spike didn't say much, he simply sat quietly in her desk chair with Willow at his feet and watched her. He had known a few witches in his time but he'd never really been friends with one, not that he particularly thought of Willow as a friend, but she was hardly his enemy either. Spike wasn't sure what to call her; they were definitely something, what with her soul inside him and what all.

Watching her perform her spells was an interesting experience, Spike hadn't had the opportunity to just sit back and watch a witch work her magic. There was an ever so slight shift in the air around her, it became charged, like an electrical current woven into the atmosphere and her eyes seemed to brighten with the heightened power inside her. Spike felt that power inside him. It wasn't painful or even uncomfortable, but it was a very strange feeling. Her soul recognised the power as part of itself and it squirmed inside him as though it were trying to escape and join forces with its other half. Spike rubbed slow circles over his chest as though he could sooth it into submission.

Cheeks flushed pink and eyes gleaming with excitement Willow turned to him suddenly. "Don't move, Spike."

"What? Why?"

Willow didn't respond, instead she just stared at him long and hard her brow furrowing in concentration. She let out a huff of frustration and poked at his knee crossly when he didn't move an inch.

"Are you tryin' to levitate me?"

"Oh hush! I'm trying to focus."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Well excuse me for being a little cautious, the last time you did a spell that involved me it didn't work out that great."

Willow sighed, ignoring him as her frown deepened. She was determined to move Spike. Levitation could be just as useful to Buffy as a cloaking spell. If she could move Buffy about as easily as she did a pencil then she really would be a help out in the field instead of being a hindrance. Willow was honest enough with herself to admit that as much as she and Xander wanted to help Buffy sometimes they got in the way more than anything and divided Buffy's focus because she worried about them getting hurt.

"Hey now!" Spike exclaimed as he felt him rise from the chair. There were no arms for him to grab hold of to steady himself and he found himself hovering a few inches above the seat. "Careful now, pet."

"I did it!" she squealed clapping her hands with excitement.

It was enough to make her loose her focus and Spike landed hard on the chair tumbling to the side and onto the floor.

He glared up at her. "That what you call careful?"

Catching her bottom lip between her teeth Willow winced. "Sorry Spike. I guess I need to really focus if I'm going to levitate people."

"What's say we move on from levitation huh, pet?" Spike righted himself in the chair, rather hoping she'd had enough of including him in the magic for one night.

"Alright, I guess I've practiced that enough tonight. I'm definitely getting better, don't you think?"

"Yeah I do. We'll go back to it another night when I'm sittin' on somethin' soft." He smiled to take the sting out of his words.

"Can I try the cloaking spell now?"

Spike nodded. "Go ahead, lets see what you've got, love."

Willow got up and went to the closet from where she re-emerged with a large red candle. She set it in the middle of the room and brought over matches and a spell book.

Kneeling before the candle she lit the wick and looked over the spell again. "Well," she looked anxiously at Spike. "Here goes."

Willow began to chant, she waited a full two minutes after ending the spell but nothing happened. This time the candle didn't even melt. She pouted, disappointed.

"Try again," Spike encouraged. "This time try really focusing on the flame and open your mind up. Sometimes it helps to have a clear mind."

Taking a couple of deep breaths to centre herself Willow watched the flickering orange flame until her eyes slid out of focus. She tried the spell again, the words felt more comfortable on her tongue this time and she could feel something cool sliding against her skin.

"It's workin'," Spike said as a thin grey mist materialised in the air, swirling around her body and spreading outwards across the room. The soul fluttered inside him again and Spike patted his chest absently.

In no time the mist was so thick that he couldn't see her at all. In fact he couldn't see much of anything, the only way he knew she was there was from her scent and the soft sound of her heart beating.

He shivered slightly when the mist touched him, curling around him turning thicker, changing from grey to black. Spike stood up concerned. "Love?"

Opening her eyes Willow was surprised to see the black mist floating about her obscuring everything in sight. She was aware that it wasn't supposed to be like this, it wasn't how the book described the effects of the spell. On the bright side, the candle hadn't melted all over the carpet.

Climbing to her feet she peered into the mist. "Spike?" Willow shuddered, gooseflesh prickling over her skin when she stepped deeper into the mist.

"Good job, pet. You, um, you wanna get rid of it all now?"

Willow turned back towards the candle, all she had to do was blow out the flame, but the candle had been swallowed up by the mist. She gasped looking around wildly, she was afraid to move in case she kicked the candle over and set fire to the carpet.

Swallowing nervously she looked about her for any sign of Spike but she could hardly see her hand in front of her face. The mist was cold and getting colder, it was thick and getting thicker, it was black and getting blacker and it seemed to be prowling around her like a wild animal.

"Spike!" Willow pivoted anxiously on the balls of her feet her breath coming out in little white puffs. "Spike where are you?"

"I'm right here," Spike took a step forward, she hadn't been that far away from him. "Stay where you are, pet. I'll come to you."

Even he could feel the chill of the mist and Spike knew that something wasn't right; variations in temperature didn't really bother him unless fire was involved. Reaching out he waved his hand about in the mist to see if he could brush it aside but it had no effect at all. Still, he had faced worse than mist in his time and he pressed on anyway, following her scent.

Rubbing her hands up and down her cold arms Willow stayed still waiting for Spike. The mist still moved, drifting about reaching out long cold fingers to touch her and curl around her ankles and wrists like manacles.

Willow screamed, fear shooting through her, the mist had captured her; it was wrapping around her throat, covering her body, pressing down on her. "Spike!"

"Here." Spike appeared out of the blackness his eyes widening in shock to see her clawing at her throat. "What do I do?"

"The candle," Willow rasped. "Blow it out."

Spike sniffed and caught the burning scent of the wick. Dropping to his knees he reached through the mist his fingers wrapping around the candle and drawing it towards him. He blew out the flame and the mist evaporated in the space of a few seconds.

Willow gasped rubbing at her throat. "Thank you, Spike."

"You alright, love?" Taking her chin between his fingers Spike tilted her head back to examine her face.

"Yes," she said letting out a breath of relief. "You saved me."

"What happened? I know that's not how the spell was supposed to go."

"I don't know," Willow admitted. "It sort of worked, I mean the mist was supposed to happen and it was meant to hide you from me because that's what a cloaking spell does. But I don't know why it turned so black or so cold or tried to swallow me up like something from a bad science fiction movie."

Spike laughed softly drawing her against his chest until her heart beat regulated out. "Better luck next time, pet. They didn't hit the moon with the first missile shot either."

"If at first you don't succeed, right?"

"Right. Can't go through life quittin' when things go wrong."

"Right," she agreed, after all, Buffy didn't quit when the going got tough and Buffy had dealt with a lot of tough going's over the last few years. Willow covered a yawn with her hand. "I think that's enough magic for tonight and besides, it's getting late and I have school in the morning. I don't want to be late again like I was today."

Spike released her and took up his duster. "Been an interesting night, can't say as I've ever been in that position before, and," he paused to give her a long look. "I've been in a lot of positions in my time."

Willow blushed and averted her eyes from his face. "What position?"

"Savin' a human. Quite a hero, aren't I?"

Willow gave him a grateful smile as she followed him to the windows. "I suppose you are. Thank you, Spike."

Pulling open the doors he stepped out into the night, Willow stood in the doorway breathing in the night air. He turned and considered her thoughtfully. "Hero's get rewards, don't they?"

Her lips twitched. "I guess so. And I have the feeling you have something specific in mind."

He pinned her with intense blue eyes. "Have somethin' in mind? Yeah love, lots of having in my mind."

Her jaw dropped open and her mouth worked soundlessly as her face flamed. "I…"

Titling his head Spike smirked, it was a soft almost lazy smirk and his eyes fairly gleamed with intent. "Hum, I see."

He stepped away from the window into the shadows of the back garden his black attire swallowed up by the night.

Willow blinked. Just what had he meant by that? Before her brain managed to catch up to her body Willow was moving. "Spike!" she stepped out on to the back porch.

He appeared out of nowhere, or perhaps her mind was too fuzzy and confused to register where he had actually been standing because he was there, right in front of her the moment she stepped away from the door.

Spike swooped down sending her stumbling backwards. Her back hit the window and his hands came up to rest on either side of her head. Willow sucked in a deep breath her whole body going ridged.

"No having, huh?" His lips curled into a languid smile. "And yet you took away the safety barrier and invited me into your room." Dipping and angling his head so that his nose touched her neck Spike inhaled deeply. "I found you so easily through that magic mist of yours by scent alone. Did you know you smell like strawberries? Not just any strawberries, but the kind that 'ave spent days out in the sun and are wet with mornin' dew."

Willow's eyes widened and her lips parted in surprise. "I…um…I…"

He trailed a finger down the curve of her neck. "Sweet dreams, pet."

And then he was gone, melting away into the darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Where have you been? I've been looking all over the place for you."

Angel was on him as soon as he walked through the door and Spike let out a heavy breath. "Looks like the fun portion of the evenin' is about to get started."

Angel glared at him. "Where have you been, Spike?"

"Out."

"Oh, out. I wonder why I didn't think to check there. Out where?"

"Just around." Spike wasn't inclined to give Angel the details he knew that the giant poof would stick his big fat nose in and try to keep Willow away from him.

"Have fun did you?"

Spike tucked his tongue into his cheek. "All kinds of parties goin' on in Sunnyhell if a demon knows where to look. Not sure you'd be welcome though."

Angel's temper flared and his eyes darkened as he fished about in the back pocket of his jeans. "What about these, Spike? What are these?"

Spike eyed the pink material fisted in Angel's hand. "Tights. What did you think they were?"

"Well I highly doubt that they're yours, Spike. You want to explain them?"

"They're tights," Spike said again. "Women wear 'em on their legs, under skirts an' dresses, just like stocking'. You used to know this, Angelus, you used to like to remove 'em. Guess the Slayer doesn't wear 'em."

"This isn't about Buffy, these are Willow's, her scent is all over them. Now where did you get them?" Angel demanded taking a threatening step forward.

Spike wasn't threatened by the movement and gave Angel a long, bored look. "Where did I get 'em? Hum, well considerin' their Willow's with her scent all over 'em I'm gonna say the Watcher gave 'em to me."

"Spike!" Angel moved swiftly his arm shooting out as he backhanded Spike across the mouth.

Taken off guard Spike stumbled backwards tripping over the edge of a rug and landing on the floor. Angel loomed over him shoving the tights under his nose. "What are you doing with these?"

"Not the sort of question a gentleman answers now, is it?"

Angel was incensed and he looked it. There was a part of him that wanted to beat Spike into submission but there was another part of him, the cool hand of reason that was overpowering his anger and telling him that this was Spike all over, playing games, twisting the truth, manipulating the situation. Angelus had taught Spike well and Angel had a feeling he was falling into his own trap.

He straightened up secretly pleased to see the wary look flash in Spike's eyes. "You're right, of course you are, and I wouldn't expect anything other than the most meticulous of manners from you, William. You always were sensitive to a lady and her feelings, weren't you?" Angel had the satisfaction of seeing the furious expression on Spike's face before he dropped the tights into Spike's lap. "I do apologise for my brusque and boorish behaviour, you will no doubt recall that I was not brought up the dandified city gent that you were. I was to be found in a pub with a pint in my hand rather than a flower garden with a book. Do forgive me, William." He smiled at Spike and left the room.

Spike got to his feet almost shaking with fury. He hated being reminded of the pathetically weak man that he had been and since rising again as a vampire Spike had done everything possible to put his human self behind him and create a new legacy. The problem he had was that Angelus wasn't ashamed of being a drunken, whoring, layabout. For a demon it was nothing to be ashamed of, whereas his poetry writing, simpering, lovelorn fool of a man quite simply was.

Stuffing Willow's tights into the pocket of his duster and silently cursing himself for a fool and leaving them in his room where Angel could find them, although Spike had stupidly not thought of Angel poking about in his room, he went in search of a drink. He spotted Angel in the kitchen as he passed by on the way to the study and paused to watch him drinking a mug of blood. Spike figured he was quite lucky that Willow's soul didn't kick up a fuss when he wanted a nice drop of warm human blood.

"So, what are you feasting on today? Pig, chicken, what?"

Angel glanced at Spike but didn't reply, he just took another drink.

"Personally, I had a nice cool blonde tonight. Remember the last time you had a blonde do you, Angel?"

Angel's fingers tightened on the mug. He knew Spike well enough to know he wasn't talking about feeding off a woman. He should have kept his mouth shut, he should never have brought up William, it was inevitable that Spike would retaliate and Angel should have known he would use Buffy to do so.

"Angel," Spike said scathingly. "Gotta go and give yourself another name, like it makes a difference to who or what you are. Liam, Angelus, Angel. Man, demon, soul. You do realise that you're all one an' the same thing, don't you?"

"Go away, Spike."

Spike laughed shortly. "The man was a drunk, the demon was a legend and the soul is a complete moron. You actually think that being a vampire with a soul makes you any different from being a man with a soul? Your soul is your soul you idiot. It's yours no matter what form your body takes. The man was a selfish lout and you've reverted to form, only your too bloody stupid to see it." Spike turned on his heel and went into the study satisfied that he had given the Great Brooding One something to choke on.

XxX

Willow had been surprised when Oz had called that morning and offered to collect her for school as they usually met at her locker. She was glad to say that she was on time this morning too, breakfast eaten, dishes washed, homework completed and bag packed all ready to go when Oz's van pulled up at the curb and he beeped the horn for her.

Oz couldn't say how relieved he was to see Willow appearing on the porch in a pair of dungarees and a pale yellow top. Her hair bounced on her shoulders as she hopped down the steps and Oz smiled, she looked like Willow today.

It might seem like a strange thing to think but Oz didn't think so. He'd had a nagging feeling since the night of the kidnap that something was off. Not wrong exactly, but definitely off.

"Hey," she climbed into the passenger seat and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

She smelt like Willow today too but there was something else mixed up in her scent that Oz couldn't identify, it made him shiver. "Hey. Are you feeling better?"

"Huh?"

"Your headache."

"Oh, right. Headache. Yes, I'm much better today. You um, you guys didn't happen to find a cure last night did you?"

"Sorry," Oz said with a shake of his head. "But we'll find something, I know we will."

Willow smiled and nodded. "It's only been a couple of days. I'm not worried. We'll figure things out. Research tonight at the library?"

"Cordelia's even giving up shopping to be there."

Willow's eyes widened. "She is?"

Oz nodded. "I thought I'd do some research into bodysnatching on the side."

"I can't believe she gave up shopping to help me."

"I think she's a better person than we all give her credit for. I know she doesn't show her nice side too often, but she was worried about you when you and Xander disappeared."

"You like her."

"Yes," Oz agreed. "I do like her. I know there's a lot not to like, but there's some good stuff in there too."

Willow felt a bit bad, she hadn't really given Cordelia much of a chance. Mainly because Cordelia was usually mean to her and then she had broken her heart by dating Xander. But there had been a time when she had presided over tea parties that Cordelia and her dolls had attended and Cordelia did all that she could to help Buffy and she had put her reputation, which meant a lot to Cordelia, on the line to date Xander. That had to mean something, didn't it?

"She's not all bad," Willow conceded.

Should she be concerned that it was more unsettling to admit that than to think that Spike wasn't all that bad?

Oz chuckled quietly. "How are you feeling, any side effects of the soul spell?"

"Not yet," Willow said. "Is that weird? It's weird, isn't it?"

Oz shrugged. "I thought that something would be different, but if neither you nor Spike have felt anything different…"

"Spike's had a side effect," Willow admitted. "Something happened and he felt compassion."

"He did?" Oz nodded thoughtfully. "Well, that's good, if he's feeling compassion then he might stop killing people."

"I guess," Willow said, she hadn't thought of that and Spike hadn't complained that his moment of compassion over the kittens had stopped him feeding or killing. She could ask him, although Willow shrank from doing so, finding out that her soul hadn't stopped Spike killing wasn't something that she wanted to face.

Oz noticed that Willow didn't go into detail about the incident that had brought compassion out in Spike but he didn't push it. Willow wouldn't break a confidence and he would never ask her to.

"There's something I think we need to talk about," Oz said slowly. "Or at least there's something that I want to say."

"Okay. What is it?" Willow shifted nervously in her seat.

"I want you to know that I'm not jealous that you've split your soul with Spike. It wasn't intentional and I don't want you to worry about talking to me about how your feeling or what you're thinking. I want to be there for you and I just wanted you to know that. It doesn't bother me that it's Spike. What I mean is, that Spike's a man, you know?" He frowned it had all sounded much better in his head.

Willow took his hand and pressed another kiss to his cheek. "I hadn't even thought about that. I'm sorry, Oz, I hadn't thought about how you might be feeling in all of this. I'm a bad girlfriend."

Oz smiled. "No you're not, Willow. This isn't happening to me it's happening to you and if things start getting worse before they get better then I want you to know that you don't have to worry about my feelings. I don't want you to worry about upsetting me."

"Thanks, Oz."

They were silent for a while before Oz spoke again. "You smell different."

"I do?" her eyes widened in surprise, that had been the last thing she had expected him to say. "Is it, you know, a bad smell?"

"No," he assured her. "It's just different. It um, it makes me a bit uneasy, but I don't know why."

"Uneasy?" Willow bit her bottom lip and stared at him her eyes growing even wider. "That can't be good, can it? What with your wolfie senses and everything."

"We don't know that. The uneasiness could be because it's you and you're scent is suddenly different and I don't know why. It doesn't mean that it's a bad thing or something we need to worry about."

"We should tell Giles."

Oz nodded. "I think that's the best thing to do."

"Spike says he can feel it," she blurted out.

"Feel what? You're soul?" Oz asked surprised. "He can feel it?"

Willow nodded. "He says he doesn't feel it all the time, but he can feel it sometimes. I should tell Giles, shouldn't I?"

"Yeah, tell Giles."

They pulled up into the parking lot and joined the flow of students entering the school. Xander met them by the door his bag half open and swinging off his shoulder and a can of soda in his hand. "You feeling better, Wills? Anyone seen Buffy this morning?"

"I'm fine and no I haven't seen Buffy, we just got here, Xander."

"She could be at the library, that's where we're heading," Oz said. "We need to talk to Giles."

"News?" Xander asked a note of excitement in his voice. Until told otherwise Xander had decided to be optimistic about the soul situation and treat all news as good news. Even if they came to a dead in with research Xander was determined to look at the positives; they no longer needed to waste time on that lead and were getting closer to the actual solution.

"Possibly," Oz said.

"Looks like its good news all round today," Xander said patting his bag. "Finished my history essay late last night and I'm telling you it's a one way ticket to a sweet D, maybe even a D plus."

Willow paled and her step faltered. She'd forgotten all about her history assignment. A small frown creased her forehead, actually, she hadn't known about a history assignment. How was it possible for Xander to know about and complete homework when she hadn't a clue?

Then she remembered, she hadn't been listening during her last history lesson her mind had been full of Spike and fun. The two thoughts married well together, Spike and fun. Willow was freely willing to admit that the first time she had been alone with Spike certainly hadn't been fun, but the other times had been. She wondered what he was doing now, sleeping most probably. Was he sleeping alone?

She sucked in a sharp breath and closed her eyes for a moment in an effort to banish that inappropriate and disloyal thought. Oz was right there beside her holding her hand and yet, Willow glanced down at their joined fingers, it wasn't the same. She could honestly say that she wasn't bothered if Oz was there or not.

She did care if Spike was alone in bed or not and the thought filled her mind so completely that she didn't hear a single word of the conversation that passed between Xander and Oz all the way to the library.

Buffy was at the library just as Oz had predicted, she was sat on the edge of the table swinging her legs back and forth the short black skirt she wore shifting up and down her thigh with every swing. "Hey guys. How's my Willow today?"

"Fine," Willow said dropping her bag on the table and sinking into a chair. "Did I miss anything on patrol last night?"

"Vamp or two, no biggy."

"Ah Willow," Giles greeted her as he came scuttling out of his office a book in his hand. "How are you? Any side effects?"

Willow's lips pursed in annoyance. He kept asking her that, they all kept asking her that. She wasn't stupid, she knew all the "how are you feeling's" she'd been subjected to that morning were about the soul rather than her headache. She wished people would just stop going on about it, so she'd accidentally split her soul in two, apart from one minor Spike episode neither of them were suffering over the spell. She couldn't understand why everyone kept treating it as a huge problem.

"Only her scent," Oz said and proceeded to explain his findings to Giles. "And Spike had a moment of compassion. I don't know what it was exactly but…"

"Yes," Giles interrupted. "I'm aware of that incident, Angel told me about it. Did you notice anything different about Spike's scent, Oz?"

"I haven't really been around him to notice anything."

"We should check it out, shouldn't we?" Buffy looked from Oz to Giles.

"So, what?" Xander asked confused. "You're just going to go up to Spike and start sniffing him?"

"I don't think he'd like that," Oz said.

"Neither do I," Giles murmured.

Willow also had the feeling that Spike wouldn't like it.

She didn't know what, if anything, Oz would find with regards to Spike's scent but she could say that she really liked the way Spike smelled. She liked the way his hand felt in hers too. She liked that he encouraged her. She liked that he took her seriously. She liked that he wanted her to have fun. She liked that he thought there was more to her than brains and a sense of responsibility. All in all Willow had to conclude that she liked Spike. She liked him a lot.

She hoped he was alone.

"Now that I have a little more to go on I'll start looking into it right away," Giles said closing the book in his hand. "And I know just where to start."

"You get way too excited about books," Xander said.

"Can we help?" Buffy asked.

"We've got history in five minutes Buffster, and if I have to go then you do to."

Buffy groaned. "Do I have to go to history?"

"Misery loves company," Xander said with a large grin.

Willow's mind spun back to the present; history, homework assignment she hadn't done. Amy. "I'll see you guys there, I want to catch Amy before class."

"Oh yes," Giles nodded. "I wonder if she managed to uncover anything from her mother's spell books?"

"I'll let you know." Willow called over her shoulder as she hurried from the room.

The corridors were still tightly packed with students and Willow had to elbow her way through to get to Amy's locker. She was just in time, Amy was shutting the door and walking away. "Amy!"

Amy paused and looked over her shoulder. "Willow, hi." She came back to her locker. "I was going to speak to you after history…"

"Speaking of history, could you help me out with a problem?"

Amy's eyebrows rose. "Another problem?"

Willow rolled her eyes. "This is a homework one. Can you do that spell for me, the one when the teacher thinks I've handed in homework when I haven't?"

"Did you forget to do your homework?"

Willow was instantly annoyed. Amy said it as though she it was the most outrageous thing she had ever heard. "Yes."

"Sure, hang back with me so we leave class last and I'll do it for you. I'll give you the spell if you like?"

"That would be great, thanks."

Amy opened her locker and rummaged about for a minute. "I just never thought to give it to you before because, well, you always do your homework, don't you?"

Irritation prickled beneath her skin and Willow's fingers curled into fists at her side. Choosing not to respond she said instead, "I was doing a spell last night and it went a bit wonky. Well, actually, it was more than wonky, it was really scary. If Spike hadn't been there, well, it wouldn't have been good."

"How do you mean?" Amy produced a small note book from the bottom of her locker and flipped through it.

Willow proceeded to explain about the cloaking spell, a shudder running through her as she recounted the events. She could have died. It was a very real possibility that the mist would have choked the life from her if Spike hadn't have been there.

He really was her hero.

Pulling a page out of the note book Amy handed it over. "That's um, that's pretty scary."

"Yeah it was. Any ideas on how it might have happened? I didn't realise that a spell could turn on you like that."

"It hasn't happened to me," Amy said. "I'd better be careful, huh?"

Willow stuffed the piece of paper into her bag. "That's it? That's all you can say?"

Amy shifted uncomfortably. "What do you want me to say?"

Willow sighed a cross look on her face. "Nothing. Are you coming to class?"

"I have to go to the bathroom first. I'll see you there." Amy watched as Willow walked off with purpose in her steps and she shivered.

Instead of going to the bathroom Amy hurried towards the library, even if Buffy had already gone to class Mr Giles would be there and he was the one Amy felt she should talk to anyway.

The bell sounded loudly just as she reached the library and Amy picked up her pace barrelling through the swinging doors and hitting Xander straight in the face.

"OW!"

"Oops, sorry Xander."

"Good shot," Oz said peering at Xander's nose.

"Thanks a lot buddy." Cradling his nose Xander glared at Oz.

"Willow just left looking for you," Buffy said. "She wanted…"

"I saw her," Amy said stepping around them and crossing the room towards Giles. "That's why I'm here."

"Is something wrong with Willow?" Buffy was immediately alert.

"Oh yeah," Amy said with feeling. "Something's wrong with Willow alright."

"What does that mean?" Oz demanded abandoning all thoughts of class as he fixed Amy with an intense stare.

"She just told me about the cloaking spell she did last night. You and I both know that wasn't supposed to happen," Amy said looking at Giles. "But she didn't know what it meant, or what it could mean. She should be told, Mr. Giles."

"Spell?" Giles looked puzzled. "What spell?"

"The cloaking spell that turned on her."

"We weren't with Willow last night," Xander said dropping his bag on the counter top. "She was at home with a headache."

"She might have been at home but she didn't have a headache and she wasn't alone either," Amy told him firmly. "She just told me about practicing a cloaking spell with someone called Spike. The spell is supposed to use mist to hide something, I could do it to hide myself from you, or stop you finding the door and leaving the room, that kind of thing."

"Handy," Oz murmured.

Amy nodded. "The problem is that Willow's mist was black and cold and it turned on her and tried to choke her…"

"What?" Buffy was horrified.

"Willow's spells have never done anything like that before," Oz said.

"Losing control like that is dangerous," Giles said taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. "It can result in catastrophe as Willow almost found out."

"Exactly," Amy agreed. "But any witch can lose control of a spell, that's not the worrying part. The mist from a cloaking spell is just mist, like any other fog you come across its not back and icy cold. I looked through some of my mother's books yesterday, there wasn't anything interesting in the ones I had but my dad brought some down from the attic. They belonged to my grandmother and my mother didn't even know they were in the house, and after reading some of them I know why. She was dangerous enough as it was."

"What did you find out?" Giles leant heavily against the edge of the table.

"I haven't found anything on Willow's specific situation, but there was something about halving a soul. Turns out you can do that if your powerful enough, but it's usually…"

"Part of a ritual," Giles finished. "I read that too."

Amy nodded. "Yes, I almost skipped over the whole section because I know Willow didn't perform a ritual to raise a demon or make a deal or anything like that, but I did read the end about the effect half a soul can have on a witches casting."

Giles straightened a little. "Well yes, of course, there's only half of what was once whole, there probably would be an effect."

"There is, although it's not always a conscious one," Amy explained. "With only half a soul the witch or warlock is left open and vulnerable to the dark part of their personality that the whole soul can easily suppress."

"Some magic is dark," Giles said quietly. "Very dark indeed. Other spells can be used either way depending on the caster and the intention."

Amy nodded. "I don't think Willow meant the cloaking spell to turn out the way that it did, but somehow the magic tapped into the darker side of her personality, or the darker side tapped into the spell, I'm not sure how it works exactly, and the spell turned dark."

"Willow doesn't have a dark personality!" Xander said insulted and infuriated on his best friends behalf.

"We all have a dark side, Xander," Giles said patiently. "Mostly our soul, our humanity, our innate sense of right and wrong guides us and the darker parts of us never fully emerge. We all say and do things in anger that we wouldn't generally do and that's usually the dark side of us coming out for a short time. But witches and warlocks, they're much more susceptible to their own darkness, magic can do that to a person no matter how good they are, dark magic has a pull all of its own."

"I don't think Willow was trying to use dark magic," Amy insisted.

"Oh no," Giles agreed quickly. "No I don't think that Willow was trying to do that. But I do think you're right, Amy. Her magic and the darker side of her did merge when she cast that spell and it could have ended up killing her and anyone who was with her; cloaking them from life itself."

"That's it," Oz said suddenly. "That's why I have this uneasy feeling. I just keep feeling that something is off when I'm with her, and her scent, it's not wrong, but off."

Giles pushed off from the table, his movements jerky and agitated as he paced to the counter and back again. "The "off" as you put it is the absence of her complete soul, it's not "wrong" because we all have that darker side to us and I believe that what you're sensing is Willow's darker side surfacing."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The commotion downstairs didn't wake Spike exactly, but he was in that place between sleep and awake when he was aware that something was going on. Angel was shouting, a door slammed and feet could be heard clomping up the stairs.

The bedroom door flung open and Angel almost fell through it. "Spike!"

Spike groaned and turned his head away from the door pressing his face into the pillow in the hopes that the giant poof would go away.

"Spike!" Angel staggered over to the bed looming over Spike's prone form. "I know you're awake."

"'Course I'm awake, be easier to sleep through a stampede of wild elephants than you galloping 'bout the place. Why the hell are you up at this ungodly hour?"

"I need you…"

"You wanna rephrase that?"

Angel scowled at Spike's back. "I need you to come with me."

Spike groaned again lifting his pillow and pulling it over his head. "Sleepin' now. Come back later."

"No! Now!" Angel insisted grabbing hold of Spike's arm and tugging him. "Now, Spike."

"I'm naked," Spike complained pulling his arm back and struggling into a sitting position.

Angel shook his head. "I don't care. I need you to do something for me."

Spike's eyebrow lifted. "When I'm naked?"

"Here," Angel stooped, picking up a pair of black jeans he tossed them into Spike's lap. "Put these on and hurry up. I need you to come with me."

Spike got up and pulled on the jeans, but he made sure to grouse about it under his breath. "What's the big emergency?"

Angel was in the doorway looking up and down the corridor his body filled with nervous energy. Spike had to admit he was slightly concerned, he hadn't seen Angel like this before, if he had been human Spike thought Angel might start hyperventilating and sweating he was so agitated.

"Come with me," Angel gestured and then took off down the stairs.

"Drama queen." Spike rolled his eyes and followed behind Angel his bare feet made no noise on cold marble of the stairs. "What is it?"

"In there," Angel pointed towards the living room.

Spike eyed him suspiciously. "What's in there?"

"Just look," Angel insisted rubbing a hand across his forehead.

He didn't immediately go into the room, instead Spike stared hard at the half open door his ears straining, his nose twitching as he tried to gage what was in there; if it could harm him in some way, if it was the Slayer and a trap of some sort. Although, why Angel would bother to set a trap for him when he could have captured him easily enough when he was asleep Spike didn't know.

When he was satisfied that he couldn't sense anything or anyone in the room, no heartbeat, no breathing, no scent; Spike pushed open the door taking the dark room in at a glance. Frowning at the empty space he took a step forward and looked around again.

"What am I lookin' at?"

Angel appeared at his elbow, standing so close to him that Spike pulled an annoyed face. "It's empty." Angel moved further into the room and turned in a circle.

"Well that's just great. Thanks ever so much for wakin' me up an' draggin' me down here just to state the bloody obvious. You really know how to show your guests a good time, don't you, Peaches. I'm 'avin' a ball."

"They were here."

"Who? You're imaginary friends?"

Running a hand through his hair Angel turned to face Spike. "No… there!"

He pointed just off to Spike's right but when Spike turned to look he saw nothing. "Been drinkin' by any chance?"

"And there," Angel said pointing to his left and taking a frightened step back. "This isn't funny, Spike."

"I know, bleedin' tragic is what it is. You can't hold your liquor anymore."

"I haven't been drinking!" Angel looked wild. "Are you seriously telling me you don't see them?"

Spike threw his hands up in the air. "There's nobody here, you bloody idiot. What's wrong with you?"

"Daniel," Angel whispered his eyes glued to Spike's right where a man stood, dressed in a black jacket and trousers with a white shirt, tall with dark curly hair and eyes full of judgement and condemnation.

"Daniel?" Spike looked to his right again but still he saw nothing. "Who's Daniel?"

Angel swallowed gripping his head for a moment and squeezing his eyes tightly shut as the ghost of Daniel moved from Spike's side to circle him like a shark. Angel hadn't heard Daniel's voice since the Christmas of 1838 when he had drained the life from him in an alley way in Dublin; but it was as though it were yesterday the sound was so familiar to him.

_I was to be married that week_

Daniel's Irish brogue filled his head and Angel turned away from him only to come face to face with another man, dressed and pressed in a suit a tie; an ordinary man who looked as though he had just stepped out of any ordinary office building on any ordinary street in any ordinary little town. Angel backed away from him his hands up as though he could ward off the ghost.

_The thing I remember most was how artful it was. _

"Angel?" Spike was now genuinely concerned, Angel was panting heavily and fear was pouring off him in great waves.

"You don't see them?" Angel gasped his head jerking from side to side.

"No, I don't see anythin'." Spike reached out and took hold of Angel's arm. "What's goin' on?"

"They're here, they're in my dreams, they're haunting me, Spike."

"Who are?"

"The people I've killed."

Spike let out a sigh. "Bloody hell, that's one hell of a hauntin' the list is endless."

Angel's face fell even further, it didn't help matters that Spike was right. He was seeing Daniel and Travis right now, but who else would pop up? These people he knew, but what about the nameless faceless people he had murdered over the years?

_That's what makes you different to other beasts. They kill to feed. But you took more kinds of pleasure in it than any creature that walks or crawls. _

"Oh God," Angel spun round, falling to his knees as she knelt down beside him, a young girl with curly blonde hair tucked beneath a crisp white cap, Margaret, the maid he had killed at a party one night long ago.

Spike squatted down on his haunches and surveyed the trembling Angel with worried eyes. "What can I do?" Lost for inspiration on how to fight or get rid of something he couldn't even see Spike did the only thing he could think of, he stood up and threw his arms out. "Stop! Be gone ghosts!" He looked around but nothing appeared to have happened. "Did it work?"

Angel frowned up at him. "What the hell was that?"

Spike shrugged. "Dunno, I think I saw it on TV once. Did it do anythin'?"

Still shaking Angel got to his feet. "Yeah." He was astounded, they were all gone.

Running a hand through his rumpled hair Spike took a seat on the hearth. "You see ghosts often?"

"Never before." Angel joined him clasping his fingers together and hunching over his knees

"You dream about the days of Angelus often?"

"Sometimes," Angel admitted. "Not so much now, not for a long time, but once, yeah I did. All the time. It was the guilt of the soul."

Spike rubbed his chest absently glad that Willow's soul wasn't inflicting him with that kind of torture. "Your problem is that you won't accept anythin' that you've done."

"I know what I've done," Angel snapped. "I deal with the guilt of every life I've taken every day."

"Pfft," Spike waved a hand dismissively. "No you don't. You brood about every killin' every day, you flog your precious soul with it every day, but you don't accept it. What's done is done, it's in the past, Angel an' you can't change it no matter how much you might want to. What you gotta do now is accept it and forget it."

"Forget it?" Angel stared stupidly at him. "What do you mean, 'forget it', how do you expect me to forget the things I've done, the things that we've done? You were there for a lot of it, remember."

"Yeah I was, but I don't cry about it, I'm still evil. You on the other hand, you don't seem to grasp the fact that you're good now."

Angel scowled, he said it so snidely, so mockingly that it left Angel in no doubt whatsoever what Spike really thought about things.

"Maybe forget isn't the right word," Spike spoke slowly, comforting Angel was new to him and he wasn't sure how to go about it. "But accept is the right word. You have to acknowledge what you've done, feel real remorse about it and then put it in the past."

"I do feel remorse."

Spike stared at Angel for a long time. "No you don't, you let the guilt eat you up every day but you feel bad 'cos of how it makes you feel. Remorse isn't about how your actions affect you but how they affect other people."

Angel was silent for a while. "What do you suggest?"

Spike grumbled. "If you're the one lookin' for forgiveness why 'ave I gotta think of everything?" Still, he rested his elbow on his knee, placed his chin in his hand and gave the matter some thought. "You gotta embrace your shame," he said at last. "And you gotta say goodbye to Angelus. You let Angelus go, bury him in the past and it's over."

"You think it's going to be that easy?" Angel said a look of disbelief crossing his face.

"I never said it was goin' to be easy."

"It might help if I knew why I was back. I mean, I'm supposed to be suffering an eternity of torture in a hell dimension somewhere and instead I'm back here. Why? What reason could there be for me to be here? Who brought me back?"

"What am I, an oracle?" Spike asked testily. "How the bloody hell should I know why you're back. But that's it," Spike snapped his fingers. "That's your problem, you think you should suffer for what you've done, you think you deserve an eternity of torture and what not and that's not gonna ease your guilt. You wanna stop feelin' bad, you want redemption, try workin' for it. Redemption don't come easy you gotta earn it. Try makin' _amends _for what you've done instead of broodin' about it all the soddin' time."

"You're right, Spike."

"I know." Spike yawned and stood up. "You could always talk to the Watcher. He might 'ave a book or fifty you could read."

"I might," Angel said. "Giles doesn't really like to be around me and I don't want to bother him for something personal, not after…"

"You tortured him?"

"Yeah."

"And killed his girlfriend."

"Yes," Angel said through grit teeth.

"Fine. Whatever. Now that we've saved your soul can I go back to bed?"

Angel gave him a small smile. "Yeah, thanks, Spike."

Spike was at the door when he stopped dead in his tracks and spun round to stare horrified at Angel. "I just counselled you."

Angel nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

"I felt sympathy for you and I wanted to help!" He made a loud, frustrated noise. "I'm gonna strangle that witch!"

Angel grinned as Spike stormed from the room leaving a trail of colourful curses behind him.

XxX

Buffy, Xander and Amy arrived at history together, unfortunately, not before their teacher who gave them each a long, disapproving look for being late. Buffy was pleased to see that Willow was already in class her head bent over a book and her finger moving along the page.

Amy took a seat in corner of the front row, Xander managed to snag a seat towards the back three desks away from Willow and spent the majority of his time staring at the back of Willow's head, and Buffy found herself in the row behind Willow two seats over.

Pulling her books out of her bag Buffy bent her head pretending to read along with the rest of the class, but her eyes were on Willow, her seat gave her a good view of her friend and Buffy watched her avidly. Willow looked no different to Buffy than she usually did, no matter how hard she stared at the side of Willow's face Buffy saw nothing new, nothing different, nothing dark at all.

It defied belief that Willow could be dark in any way. It was _Willow _for God's sake. If ever a person was good it was her. Willow was kind, generous, understanding; way better than her and Buffy squirmed a little at the knowledge. Willow had been there for her when she had ran away after sending Angel to hell, she had been there for her when Angel had come back and Buffy felt terrible for the moment of doubt she'd had after hearing what Amy and Giles had to say.

She had killed Angel, ran him through with a sword and sent him to hell; the man she loved, the man she would always love. Wasn't that a horrible, cruel thing to do, sending him to hell with a soul intact? But she had done it to save the world, did that make it okay? Did that make it not terrible? Did that make it a good thing and her good? Or did it still make her wrong, make her dark? Could she have done anything darker than that?

Willow hadn't done anything on that scale and just because she'd spent some time with Spike and told a few little lies, her friends were all suddenly so concerned and condemning her. Buffy rubbed at her temples, she wasn't being a good friend, Willow hadn't judged her and she sure as hell wasn't going to start judging Willow either.

So Willow had performed a spell and it had gone a bit wonky, so what? That didn't mean Willow was going dark for goodness sake. How Amy and Giles could say that was beyond her, especially Giles, he had seen dark, they all had. Angel had gone dark, Spike was dark, Drusilla was dark, the Master was dark; Willow was nothing like any of them and Buffy fully intended to remind the others of that.

They had all seen what losing a soul could do to someone, Xander had taken it upon himself to stake Jessie when he had turned after all and they had all suffered one way or the other when Angelus had returned. Willow still had her soul, Willow was still good, Willow was still Willow.

By the time class ended Buffy was resolved to be a better friend and not judge if Willow chose to spend some time with Spike. It made some sort of weird sense however much Buffy didn't like it, after all, Spike did have part of Willow attached to him now.

After packing up her things Buffy went to hand in her homework with the others and lingered about outside the classroom waiting for Willow. Xander and Cordelia joined her a few moments later and Cordelia immediately began telling them of her plans for the Christmas vacation.

Willow hung back as Amy had instructed, slowly putting her belongings away before joining Amy at the front of the class. Amy said nothing, she merely looked long and hard at the teacher who smiled and thanked her for handing in her homework. Willow couldn't help admiring Amy's technique, she hoped to one day be able to perform magic without having to cast the spell out loud. Amy repeated the spell for her.

"Thanks, Amy."

"No problem, happy to help. If you got the power, use it, right?" Amy smiled and lifted her shoulder in a little shrug.

"Skiing," Cordelia was saying when Willow and Amy joined the others. "In Aspen, with real snow."

"Sounds fun," Buffy said.

"It'll be a relief to get out of Sweaty-Dale," Cordelia said fanning herself with a book.

"I'll see you later," Amy nodded at Xander and Buffy and wandered off to the right.

"I'd better get going too, I have psychology at the other end of the building,"Cordelia made an unnecessary gesture with her hand. "I'll be by later for research."

"I'll see you then," Xander gave her cheek a parting kiss and Cordelia smiled, pleased.

Linking her arm through Willow's Buffy tugged her into a walk. "Can we talk?"

"Sure."

Xander fell into step on her other side. "Anything you want to tell us?"

Willow frowned. "Like what?"

"Like what you were doing last night," Xander said giving her a meaningful look. "You were with Spike, Amy told us."

Willow rolled her eyes and sighed in annoyance. "Talk about ratting me out."

"You could have told us, Wills," Buffy scolded gently. "If you want to talk to Spike you don't have to hide it from us, just, you know, do it where we can keep an eye on him."

Willow's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"

"It's Spike," Buffy said making a face. "Evil vampire Spike, we just…"

"The same evil vampire Spike you did a deal with," Willow reminded her.

"That was different," Xander said. "We all wanted the same thing, we all wanted to stop Angelus and Spike helped us out."

"How is that different to now?" Willow stopped walking and faced Xander full on. "You want my soul back together and he wants it out of him. You want the same thing."

Xander shifted about on his toes a confused look on his face. "Well, yeah…"

"And," Willow turned to face Buffy. "There's no need for you to keep an eye on Spike, he's not going to hurt me and I don't insist on keeping my eye on you."

Buffy looked blank. "Me?"

"You," Willow agreed a cross look on her face. "One little slip up on your part and its bye bye Angel, hello Angelus, and yet I don't tell you not to hang around with Angel, do I? Seems to me that with the way you feel about Angel, the two of you together are a hazard just waiting to happen."

"I…" Buffy blinked, her cheeks flushing uncomfortably. "That's not even an issue."

"Oh it's an issue alright," Willow said with a nod. "You can't stay away from him, it's like you're obsessed, and sooner or later you're going to give into temptation."

"That's so not what I want to hear," Xander said with a groan.

"That's not going to happen," Buffy said, although even she noticed that her voice lacked conviction.

"You want it to," Willow said withdrawing her arm from Buffy's grasp. "That's enough."

"Nothing is going to happen with me and Angel," Buffy insisted her gut twisting with longing.

"Can we change the subject, please?" Xander begged. "Let's talk about your spell instead, huh, Wills?"

"Amy told you about that too?"

"Yeah she did and it doesn't sound good, Willow."

Willow sighed and nodded. "That wasn't so good," she admitted. "I'm not sure what would have happened if Spike hadn't been there."

"You wouldn't have been doing the spell if Spike hadn't have been there," Buffy pointed out. "You would have been with us."

Willow bristled. She'd been practicing spells to help Buffy, the only reason she had gotten involved with magic in the first place was because of her and Buffy was acting as though she had done something wrong.

"Maybe you shouldn't do any magic for a while," Buffy suggested, the very idea of Willow casting a spell that had gone so wrong and almost resulted in killing her didn't bear thinking about.

She stared at Buffy completely taken aback. "You weren't saying that when I tried putting Angel's soul back. I'm only allowed to do spell's that you approve of now, am I?"

"What? No," Buffy shook her head. "That's not what I'm saying. I don't…"

"You don't get to tell me what I can and can't do, Buffy. You don't get to decide if or when I practice magic."

"I'm not saying that, I…You know me, Wills I've always got one foot or the other in my mouth, nothing I'm saying is coming out right. I just want you to be safe. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"There's more chance of something happening to me whenever I go anywhere with you than there is when I practice a spell, but you don't seem too concerned about that," Willow retorted.

"That's a bit harsh, Wills," Xander said.

"It's only the truth."

Buffy looked crushed, she was unsure what to say in response, she could hardly argue the point when Willow was right. Taking hold of Willow's arm she pulled her to a stop. "Xan, can you give us a minute?"

He nodded giving Willow a long look before walking away completely unsettled with what he had just heard. He'd never known Willow to behave like that before and he'd known her since kindergarten.

"Willow, I…" Buffy sighed heavily and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "…I know that you don't have to help me and do what you do. I know you do it because you're my friend and you're always there for me no matter what dangerous situation I get myself into. You're a good friend, Wills, the best, and I'm trying to do what's right. I may be the Slayer but I'm your friend first."

"You're such a good friend too."

Buffy flinched at the cold, mocking tone.

"A good friend like you would always be sensitive to my feelings and wouldn't do anything to hurt me in any way, would you? A good friend like you wouldn't dance with Xander as if you were in the middle of a mating ritual, writhing and brushing up against him like some sort of pole dancer, not when you knew how strongly I felt about him. You wouldn't do that, not in front of me, would you? You wouldn't hurt your friend like that, would you? You wouldn't forget all about me, wouldn't build Xander's hopes up just to make Angel jealous. A good friend like you wouldn't ignore the feelings of your two only friends for a vampire, would you?"

Buffy's lips parted in a soundless gasp her eyes widening to their utmost as a wave of shame rolled over her.

"You don't think of anything else when Angel's around, all you want is to be the centre of his attention and to hell with everything and everyone else."

"No," Buffy whispered shaking her head vigorously.

"Yes," Willow corrected. "And if it wasn't for you maybe Miss Calendar would still be alive right now. If you weren't so busy playing the wounded lover and did your job as a Vampire Slayer Angelus would never have had the opportunity to kill her. But Xander was right, wasn't he? You wanted to forget about everything Angelus did so that you could get Angel back. Everything always has to be about you, doesn't it?"

Readjusting her bag on her shoulder Willow pushed her hair behind her ear and smiled. "I'm going to be late for English now, better get going."

She left Buffy standing in the corridor staring after her a look of utter shock on her face. Sinking back against the lockers Buffy blinked back the tears that stung her eyes, Willow had been her friend when no-one else had bothered and she hadn't thought about Willow once during that dance with Xander, all she had been concerned about was showing Angel what he was missing, what could be his. Buffy closed her eyes in distress, she was a shallow, selfish person and in that moment she really didn't like herself at all.

She had never thought she'd live to see the day that Willow could be so cold, so unfeeling towards her or anyone for that matter. Willow wasn't like this, Willow was warm and caring, she was nice to everyone even when they didn't really deserve it.

Buffy's head lifted slowly and she scrubbed at her eyes with her fist. Giles had said that Angel had told him Spike had felt compassion and they believed it was the influence of Willow's soul, could it be that the Willow she had just encountered with the frostiness and the hostility was an effect of losing part of her soul to Spike?

Pushing off from the locker Buffy turned away from her English class and trotted off to the library, she really hoped this was a side effect because it meant that there was a way to fix it and make Willow all Willowy again. Buffy wasn't sure she could handle much more of Willow and her new desire to tell the truth, the truth hurt and forced her to see herself in a new light, a very unflattering light and Buffy didn't like it at all.

She wanted Spike gone and Willow whole again.

Replaying her conversation with Willow over and over again in her head Buffy had just reached the library when she remembered something Willow had said and gasped out loud. "Giles!" she yelled as she flew through the doors. "Giles!"

"Good Lord, Buffy," Giles exclaimed jumping in his seat. "What is it?"

"Willow, she said 'you want my soul back together' she didn't say 'I want my soul back together'. Willow doesn't see this soul split thing as a problem!"


End file.
